It seems to me that a serious illness is like being transported to another world
It has its own rules, inhabitants, languages
Since it's not a place you go to willingly, it's easy to feel lost upon arrival
And if you're there long term you find that the connections
to where you came from are permanently affected
One of the most common concerns I've heard voiced
by those who have survived aneurysms and brain tumors
is that their people don't understand their healing process
The primary concern is that the survivor looks 'fine'
and should pick up right where they left off prior to surgery
The thing is, healing seems to happen from the outside in
Some people have permanent brain and/or eye damage
or a whole slew of other neurological issues
(some so horrid I won't discuss it here)
I am lucky
not only because of my accidental discovery
but because I have an amazing family who nurtured me the whole way
They understand that although I look back to normal
(ignoring the scars and lumpy head)
that neurologically I am still healing
My problem is ME
I look in the mirror and say 'ok come on let's go'
But I ignore the warning signs when I've done too much
I was holding a bottle of mustard the other day
completely clueless how it got there, what it was, or what it was used for
I eventually figured it out and kept vacuuming and cleaning
Later that day my eyes started to cross
It felt as if the muscles wanted to snap...whew scary!
But a night's rest seemed to fix that right up
Then my husband's grand daughter came to visit with his sons
And something about the pitch of her voice and the 1000 questions she had
made my brain feel like it was twisting
When my eyes started dilating and my face swelling I retreated to a locked room
I don't understand that very well but understand it's common
The thing is while I do lose patience with myself
I am also challenging myself as I go
I find that results in the best growth and advancement
It's just in moderation
So to quit feeling so damned useless I volunteered
I'm working with the Habitat for Humanity
making calls to procure building materials
I can't do anything physical but I can sure put my yappy mouth to work
And the thought of doing something for someone else is awesome
I just avoid children and mustard bottles for now
Oh you are so cute "with my yappy mouth", you are educating me with your posts. I can see how family, friends and you too think everything should be back to the way it was, but healing is rather a slow process. You have the right idea with finding a quiet room and resting as needed and your new volunteering.
ReplyDeleteYour sense of humor about it all is inspiring! It must be so hard to be patient throughout this process. Very cool that you're helping out Habitat for Humanity!!
ReplyDeleteChildren and mustard are both enjoyed best in small quantities, I've always found. Good for you for volunteering with Habitat for Humanity!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing so remarkably well, Lovely One, especially when you think about the fact that you had major brain surgery !!! You are also really good at noticing what works for you and what doesn't. Yes, a ban on mustard bottles and kids may be a good thing for now, but please give yourself credit for how far you have come, one little step at a time. Sending big love, admiration and extra healing juju !
ReplyDeleteGood to talk about it all, Elena. And good for you...volunteering!
ReplyDeleteYou are ware of your "self" which is the most important thing Elena. You are at the recovery stage of conscious competence, pretty soon it will be unconscious competence when everything is back to "normal"!
ReplyDeleteHi Elena, my dashboard hasn´t been working properly until today. I had commented on this post a few days ago , however it must be floating in cyber world. Trust yourself and how you feel.
ReplyDelete