Life as a Whisper

I've never been away from my blog for so long

I don't feel a connection to much of anything

from the years closest to my surgery

So I forget My Quest is here sometimes

 

Life seems to have become a fragmented timeline of

B.A. - before aneurysm

S.A - since aneurysm

or B.S. - this is a bunch of bullshit

hahaha just kidding

I am different

 While I never felt I belonged before aneurysm

I belong even less so now

My brain decides who and what it will tolerate

and when it will disconnect

I reside in a parallel world between here and there

Just when I think my screws must be loose

I hear similar questions from the world of the aneurysm survivors

and I find it amusing

Truth is, if you put a bunch of us anywhere near a crowded room

full of chatter, noise, loud music and add strobe lights

we'll be a slurring confused mass of people bumping into walls

I've decided it must be a government plot

they insert these clips into our brains with imbedded chips

that they control remotely to make us do their bidding

Those moments when we go haywire must be moments 

when the chips are being tested

or electronic interference

Smirk

Life is different

Familial relationships are different

I have no interest in close friendships

Throughout my life I have walked as if on tiptoe

Careful not to make a sound

I live as a whisper

When I dare to set my heels firmly on the ground

Life backslaps me and I'm thrown in a ditch

Sometimes I bounce back right away

other times I lie there flat on the ground

This time I was knocked clear off my path

I got up but don't recognize where I am

I am like a ghost

I walk silently

Observing

Waiting

Wondering if I am seen or heard

Wondering why I'm not here or there

My only companions the other ghosts

who tiptoe in silence