La Muerte (Death)

I can't thank you enough

for the comments to the previous post

I hope it didn't sound like I was looking for pity

I really just needed somewhere to be absolutely honest

A purge

I sense I've entered new territory

Seems that everyone around me is dealing with illness or retirement

I sense an atmosphere of defeat

An 'oh well it's near the end' or 'that's all she wrote' attitude

A 'you're bound to get this or that with a long slow death'

Doom and Gloom with everyone in my physical circle

AND IT FREAKS THE HELL OUTTA ME

I'm a sponge

I soak up vibes

Which make me physically ill

I know this for a fact - it's happened before

I can literally cross reference longterm doc visits with whatever emotional exposure I had

It starts out with weird illnesses that the docs can't figure out

(like lettuce allergies - smirk)

 And it gets to the point where I start thinking I'm older/sicker than I am

Because I start relating to those around me

It's not good for me to focus too much on the negative

I can't be bombarded too long with a list of medical ailments I'm bound to get

I can't worry about all the bad stuff waiting around the corner

Because at some point I get lost

I forget to live today

I forget to appreciate that I am still alive

I can't hear the birds sing or see the sun shine or feel the wind in my hair

I die

So I pull away from those that poison my vibes

I limit my exposure

I make a list of the things that need to be done and do them

I make whatever preparations need to be done and leave it at that

And I go on living

I've decided to start making summer vacation plans

Pursue publication

Make some tshirts

~ ~ ~

I spoke with my Mama on the phone today and say

"Hey Ma, I think those medic alert buttons are for people who stay close to the base unit"

she says 

"Blah! Not for me! I'm heading out to the Salvation Army to see what the old people are doing"

I ask if she's feeling strong enough so she says

"I'm alive. Like hell if I'm going to sit here and make it easy for La Muerte. 

That pelona (bald one) is going to have to work at finding me. 

And tomorrow I'm going out to play bingo so don't come over."

I say 

"Well ok then. I'll look for medic alert with GPS"

 ~ ~

Looks like we both came to the same conclusion

Live

Forget the Doom and Gloom

and above all else

make La Muerte work at catching up to you

La Muerte is death as depicted in the Mexican Loteria