The Green House

I was in 5th grade when I first uttered those words...

"There has to be more to life"

Well, not really uttered...

it was more...ummm - dramatic

WAILED with big crocodile tears as I lay next to my Mama in bed

I think there were even booger bubbles (ok yeah gross)

In that hiccupy, sobby, crying-as-I-talked way I tried explaining to my Mama

how there had to be more to life

that I had no clue what my purpose was

that God didn't just send me here cuz he had spare body parts

that I was running out of time

that I was wasting time

She just stroked my hair and dabbed at my nose with a kleenex

(how the heck did she put up with me?)

~ ~ ~

Growing up I'd have bouts of the 'there has to be more to life'

Then things get busy, I get distracted, I snap on the blinders and forget

Then Life tears off the blinders and it starts all over again

I'm not as dramatic about it though

No wailing and no booger bubbles

(well not always)

So it started up again the other day

It sneaked in while I slept and perched atop my chest waiting for me to awaken

And there it was

'there has to be more to life'

Oh no. Not now. I can't be distracted.

So in an effort to get rid of it I ran to my hubby knowing he'd fix it with great wisdom

I say I have no purpose. He says sure you do.

You take care of the house and the kiddo.

I see red. 

Through clenched teeth I say I need more

He starts to grasp at ideas.

You create stuff, he says.

I see red with little flecks of deep ruby sparkles.

What am I? Freaking Martha Stewart?

So I thank him and call my Mama

She tells me the same thing

I acknowledge that I am a wife, mother, and sometimes creative but those are just things I do

They're not why I'm here

And then I stop mid sentence and say

"Hey Ma, does lunacy run in the family?"

As if that would explain everything

She replies in a happy excited tone 

(perhaps hoping that would explain her crazy daughter)

She thinks her aunt was put away in the Green House

She explains that instead of calling it the asylum they called it the Green House

Excitedly she says she'll call me back - she wants to call her older sister to confirm.

I tell her I'll start picking out the shade of green for my house...

She calls me back to say she was mistaken

The 'aunt' was actually her sister's godmother - no relation

And she wasn't really crazy

She says people called her 'the crazy lady in the Green House'

because she painted her house green and everything else that lay in or around it

Apparently she was just a happy soul who danced to the beat of her own soul's music

and loved Green

So my Mama says..."well, you're not crazy..." 

(she sounded disappointed...hmmmm)

The whole thing was enough to amuse me and remind me

I shouldn't panic when Life brings back the statement

because I've learned by now that it's Life's way of making sure I don't sleep through life

It always leads to changes

I just have to remember to listen for the song in my soul and follow that

just like the crazy lady in the Green House

(or I could be obliviously crazy after all)