Sans Hormone Patch...

Feeling pretty good except a teeny frustrated that I can't move as fast as I'm used to
But I think that's because my body is starting to catch on that

the hormone patch is missing (shhhhhhh)

It's been four days and no real symptoms except for teeny headache

Hoping if any of the menopausal symptoms come full force

that they wait until surgery day Thursday

then I can scare the beejeezus out of my surgeon LOL! 

I've been trying to keep my family calm

I hear the terror in my Mama's voice and see how my son and hubby look at me

It's like everyone is holding their breath and I feel horrible for causing them pain

But I keep reassuring them that they're all stuck with me 

I bought them all little teeny angels that I'll give them before surgery

A little part of me for them to hold on to & a reminder that there's so much more

I've discovered another cool thing about this situation

Like walking up to an old house and throwing open all the windows & doors

Everything is exposed

I started with clearing away many items...finding them new homes

Then old issues came up and some I held, looked at & realized they were done

Others I held and they pulled off old scabs to expose the hurt all over again

I knew I hadn't learned yet & risked it coming back

Finally I came to terms that some people are just selfish

but that their selfishness made me recognize my selfishness

and that it's ok for me to feel I deserve better

I learned that not everyone is meant to stay in your life

But that everyone that touches your life teaches something

And once I understood that, new people came into my life

Random mentors, peers, creepy cool coincidences...all in a matter of weeks

Family I hardly know are calling & I'm getting to know them better

Strangers are having Masses said, the spiritual mojos are including me in healing circles

 or I'm meeting new ones in 'chance' encounters

even another spiritual mojo who rides a motorcycle!

People I've never met are showing me more love than I thought possible

And there's a deepening in the relationships with a couple I've known

Even my husband's ex-wife has offered to come take care of me

(no not like that, she likes me)

Through it all I feel as if I'm watching from afar

Pleased to see that there's an undercurrent of goodness

where at first glance you only see the ugliness

The world strives to balance

Good must have bad

 I won't go any further before you too accuse me of the aneurysm

affecting my thinking (LOL!!)

 

It's like the Universe says

 'congratulations on completing this level, here's your starter package for the next one...'

And I'm so freaking excited

I want to rush through this coming phase but know I cannot

I need to cleanse, heal, just be

And I'm going into it with open eyes, ears, heart and soul

(see how I didn't say head lol!)

I know I will have a lot to learn in the next few months

I just hope I am of sound mind to capture most of it ;)

A tiny part of me worries that the excitement will be over when I get to the other side 

but Life always changes & I have no doubt I'll continue growing & learning

 

~ ~ ~

A few people have asked me why I can't bend below the waist after surgery

So I told them this is why

Hey it can happen

What if the Doc doesn't tighten my skull screws