She's Lost Her Mind...

I've been busy again
Since my aneurysm is still hanging out
I have been scheduled for surgery on 9/26

So there were wills to sign, closets to clean, stuff to donate, etc etc
I wasn't sure I wanted to keep writing about this
Because I don't want to sound like those people who get together for lunch
To compare the latest ailment or doctor exams (heehee)

But my son and I were having fun flipping through My Quest's past years

since I have them printed in book format

(no not because I'm vain but because I hope to see my growth)

It occurred to me then that this is part of my journey
And that I have been learning so much and know this is a turning point

So why wouldn't I write about it

It might help my son later down the road and remind me where I've been

So for the next few weeks I'm probably going to be talking alot about my journey

Warning you now in case you also hate those type of lunch talks

~ ~ ~

I am afraid 5% of the time and it goes something like this...

OMG I won't be alive next Friday, I'll have a stroke, I'll be disabled & trapped in my body

I'll need full time care, I'll forget everything, OMG I'll forget Madame Styx!

Then the other 95% of the time it goes something like this...

Thank you God for the gift of the aneurysm

It was like a splash of cold water on the face of my ego's blabbering

Everything I worried about, the indecision, the fears...were exposed 

Things fell away without a second thought and in their place lay fertile ground

I've been amazed by how quickly new things began to sprout

So many creative ideas for Madame Styx

and with each new idea another and another

So much spiritual growth and a sense of peace

And then I started meeting new people on my journey saying

'here, let me share...'

 

So I'm not kidding when I say I am excited

Sure the human part of me gets scared sometimes

Doesn't want to have to deal with the upcoming pain and confusion

But the soul part of me...is very excited and highly amused

Because my excitement is causing confusion

Family and friends think something is wrong with me

They hesitate, not sure if I'm kidding, studying me with raised eyebrow

Wondering if the aneurysm has somehow altered my personality

(it hasn't...Doc says it has no symptoms)

 Even the muscle pain I feel in my neck from the jeep ride

And even the pain associated with the physical therapy

(those therapists are reincarnated torture chamber masters)

hasn't dampened the excitement and the feelings of pure love

(yeah I don't quite get the love part yet either)

 By the way, I'm not on drugs yet-LOL!

 

I am very curious though what effect the surgery will have on my thinking

So I do want to capture that here

I wonder if I'll stop being so curious about life, death and everything

I wonder if I'll transform into a zombie (smirk)

Can you see why I'm excited?

Because even though the pain will be brutal...it's physical

The growth I will go through is spiritual

And such a rare opportunity!

I feel as if I'm entering the Haunted Woods in the Wizard of Oz

It won't be fun but my eye is on the prize behind those woods

 

I should note that as of tomorrow I have to stop using my hormone patch

I've been on it for nine years

And the withdrawal symptoms are going to be brutal

So those love feelings I was talking about

Just might be a thing of the past (Ha!)

 

So for today I'll still wear the cheesy smirk and feel the love