Interest Hoarder

"Get back to your normal routine"

the pamphlets read

Normal? What's my normal?
Umm....hmmm...ok...

'ship lost at sea' is more like it

heehee

So I look around for normalcy...

that steady place from which I'll grow

and instead I find mass confusion 

I have a gazillion false starts

A bunch of loose ends

I'm an interest hoarder

Things I thought I'd like to try and lost interest

Groups I tried to hang with and got bored

I am a chameleon...I can mimic those around me

Sometimes so well that I start to believe I'm one of them

and then I quickly realize I'm not

nor do I want to be

So I pick up each dangling piece and decide to start clearing them out

Perhaps somewhere in there I'll find the real me

When the heck did I lose myself?

Or perhaps I never found myself to begin with

Oh boy...I'm too old, and tired, for this

I wonder if I can backtrack and start anew? Wipe the slate.

I open up the self help books and they all say the same thing

Follow your passion. Do what you love. You know what it is.

Yeah. Ok. I do not know the answer to those questions.

And from reading and talking I'm finding there are alot of others like me.

So I decide it's just a bunch of marketing nonsense...

and toss the books into the give away pile.

 

I decide I'm good now

I am where I need to be

I'm lost but who cares.

I still show up everyday.

And everyday I'll clear out those dangling pieces 

and make room to breathe.

I'll do what interests me at the time and let it go when it's done.

~ ~ ~

Interestingly I still can't think visually

I used to see pictures in my head and can't anymore

But once in a while I'll dream with lots of colorful pictures and when I wake

I can think visually again

But then it's gone for several weeks

I swear the brain is so damned fascinating