Damned Distracting Desire

Curious...

I went to the source

"Ma, have I always been this way?"

Referring to my relentless (but pain in the ass) dreaming, wanting, questioning

Using her sad voice she said

"Oh...yes. Yes you have. Always. Since you were little.

And I'm sorry to say you're just like your Dari (dad)"

And she waited

Because she knows those are usually fighting words

Yes, I have a temper but I'm not a horribly mean alcoholic

She went on to say that he had big dreams, always wanting more, out to prove something

She sounded so sad as

She told me I had to control it

I tried to explain that I cannot

I tried to explain how it sits in the pit of my belly and works it's way up

to wrap it's sticky tendrils around my heart and squeezes until every molecule feels tingly

and tickles my brain cells like an annoying hard-to-reach itch

that is whispering what it wants in a different language

Mimicking her sad voice I finished with 

It won't go away Ma

I've tried making it but it won't go away

Determined...

Kicking into Mama-mode and using her strong voice now

"Ok...you can't make it go away so use it"

"If you're going to test everything that pops into your head, do it. 

Don't move on until you have completed what you start.

Don't leave loose ends. You are how you are for a reason."

I was going to interrupt and say I was nuts but that would have sparked a scolding

Grateful...

I hung up feeling intense love for my wise little viejita

the amazingly creative, wise and strong woman

A new respect for mi Dari

whose dreams made it possible for me to be raised in this country

And for the precious gift of having them both as my parents
(don't get me started on my amazing brothers & sisters whom I love dearly)

because their strengths and weaknesses 

are like guiding lights on my path

~ ~ ~ 

I wonder if Rosetta Stone offers a  'learn-to-translate-dream-speak' 

among its language learning software programs?

This is the only picture we have of my Mama and Dari
smiling together, and OMG actually TOUCHING!
The story...
My Dari owned a bar and Sunday mornings he'd sit at the table
and count the money he'd made (HIS money)
He loved to fan the bills in front of my Mama
teasing her that her eyes were glowing, telling her she'd never get any
She was so angry that during one of those bill fannings
She reached out and grabbed some
He was caught off guard so much that all he could do was laugh
He asked for it back and my Mama refused telling him it would teach him a lesson

My sister caught this VERY rare shot

I miss you Dari