Blanket-over-head-syndrome

When I left home in my early 20s

I did so with great fear of leaving my Mama unprotected

I felt a bit relieved when my nephew began staying with her for a few weeks

That is until the local gang bangers realized an 'outsider'

had infiltrated their territory and was trying to pee on their land

(or some other just-as-stupid reason)

It started with small fires started at the garage or yard

When it escalated to molotov cocktails thrown thru windows while my Mama slept

I panicked and called the police department - again

 After weeks of calls and frustrated conversations with lawyers

I was finally told nothing could be done to help-it happens all the time

Now stop calling us crazy lady

(or that's how I translated the lazy voices on the other end of the calls)

I felt absolutely frustrated not knowing how to help

We finally had to send my nephew away...

~ ~ ~

Since November I've been dealing with a satellite internet company

I grew up in the big city...I'm used to clean water and full access to utilities

But now that I live in a somewhat, not-so-remote-area, I realize how much I took for granted

We pay big money for 15gbs a month

We can't view youtube videos, movies, skype, stream music, games or do online backups

It takes a lot of discipline to avoid living in this century

But it's doable...that is, unless the internet company randomly steals back gbs

They randomly disappear...I'll have 15 gbs when I go out to the doctor's office

and I'll come home and only find 5gb left

Now, unless my dogs are streaming Lassie Come Home marathons, it's a mystery

It started out fun...trying to discover the problem

Then it became a nuisance having to learn all about bandwith and usage meters

resetting passwords and checking computer traffic and being up at 2am to track

All junk I could not care one iota about clogging my brain with

It's absolutely frustrating to be told nothing is wrong

To feel you have no options left

Until you find others hidden away in forums with the same problem

I feel as if we're shunned mole children destined to live below ground

But atleast I have company

~ ~ ~

While these are in no way comparable

I can't help but wonder why it is that they made me feel the same way

Gut-wrenching helpless

Like, I want to go beat the crap out of the punching bag, helpless

And I think it's because there's 'nothing I can do about it'

Those little words...used to wipe you aside

as if the problem never existed

as in let me hide my head under this blanket

let me put on my blinders

let me close my eyes

because if I can't see you then you don't exist

if you don't exist...the problem doesn't exist

And I see so many people in society do this

police officers, politicians, friends, family, communities...yes, even internet providers :)

and it finally occurs to me

I'm furious because it makes me wonder how many others lose hope

who believe the crap that there's nothing that can be done about it

the officers who ignore the black eye on the wife's face

or the charred window frame or the kid with the broken arm

 or the kid who can't make eye contact out of shame

because there is always something that can be done

I may not have a freaking clue what but there is always hope

someone taking a stand for themselves or for others

~ ~ ~

yeah yeah I know I'm just venting

I watch programs on the Discovery Channel 

of ancestors who through sweat, tears, bloodshed built our country

and then I see the people we've become

now where's that blanket...