And I dance...

Have you ever tried walking while looking over your shoulder?

Or walking on your tiptoes straining to see a few blocks ahead?

Seems when I do that I either crash into a mailbox or some poor soul

~ ~ ~

I called the nurse one day and said

"What happened to my zen-ness?"

She laughed and said it's natural...something about my brain reconnecting

I noticed that old fears and worries were coming up

They were looming behind me and I was trying to keep ahead of them

Until I realized that new fears and worries were up ahead waiting in the shadows

Can't run 'cuz they're waiting...can't stop 'cuz they'll get me

I took a deep breath and held it for a while

(figured I'd suffocate the fear cells)

I've come to the conclusion that a reconnecting brain is very similar

to rebooting a computer

The new stuff that wasn't saved is either lost or mis-filed

I've defaulted to my original programming

that child that was so afraid to take a breath

for fear that the monsters would hear her

 

It isn't until the last six years or so that I started to discover

that I can tame fear and have it work for me instead of against me

but right now I'm still waiting for that program to reload

but I'm not too worried

I'm not fighting anything...I'm taking my time

I still try to push too hard and then sit licking my wounds

when my body pushes back

 

But instead of pouting or complaining

I'll take this time to dance with the lessons I'm learning

A few steps forward and few steps back

And I realize that if I spend too much time looking back

and too much time looking forward...well hell

there won't be much of me left to focus on living right where I am right NOW

 

I smirk & give God a thumbs up