Me n my pants

I was walking into Menards (again) on a windy day

I felt something hitting the back of my upper leg

Ignoring it I decided I'd better check just in case 

I was attached to a roll of toilet paper 

(or some other equally hilarious but embarrassing thing)

I was doing that weird walking-forward-while-trying-to-twist-head a full 360

while both hands grabbed onto the back of my pants

Hubby is walking a ways behind me looking at me as if I'd lost my mind (again)

And asking "WHAT are you doing?"

I explain something is hitting me as I start laughing and say

"Look! It's my pockets! My pockets are hitting me!"

I'm standing at the entrance to Menards holding my butt totally confused

Not understanding why my pockets are so low and hitting me

then my hubby clarifies

"You were...um...well you filled the pants out more and um..."

I've lost weight but still wear the same pants

I'll admit I look weird but then so does the rest of me

I told my Mama I'm in style...walking around like the guys in the 'hood' 

with my underwear higher than my pants

walking slowly so they don't fall

and a bandana over my eyebrows forcing me to look at everyone squinty-eyed

Until it occurred to me that if I were to just drop dead while I'm out one day

People might think I'm a 'vagabond' and not bother trying to reach my family

Then I'd be donated to some school who would put me in the janitor's closet

And by the time someone found me I'd be petrified and unrecognizable

and my family would forever think I ran away

But I'm still wearing the same pants with flappy pockets
Because they're familiar