Swallowed a golfball

I'm having a hard time

you'd think it was my still-glue-encrusted skull

but that's still asleep and thankfully painless

I'm losing a lot of hair and the kid looks at me with slight panic asking

"It is going to grow back right?"

and he didn't want me at parent teacher conference

But here's the thing

(warning major whine coming up)

I'm dealing with the side effects of who knows what

I developed LPR reflux which is basically acid swelling my throat

So it feels like I have a golf ball stuck in my throat

And food won't pass

Which is quite amusing because the brain doc says eat lots

of fruits, veggies, protein...especially two oranges a day

The throat doc says no milk, no citrus, no meat, no sweets, 

and pretty much anything else except water

So what happens is I can't eat anything but beans or soup

And I'm feeling weak

Which makes me emotional

So when the hubby starts getting cranky that I won't eat

I get angry. Which doesn't help my golfball. Which makes me angrier.

And I'm going through hotflashes since no more hormone patch

Which makes me a delight

But the thing is, right this minute while my throat isn't painful, it's funny

Funny because I wish I hadn't done the aneurysm surgery

Funny because docs are so fast to fill you up with pills

Funny because said pills don't work

Funny because I'm delirious

I want to give up

but I can't because I've come this far

(ok dramatic whine over)

I recognize everything I'm frustrated with

So now I have to ask self what I'm going to do about it

~ ~ ~

I've been thinking about that previous post

and I've decided that I don't have a specific purpose

I think living my life with an open heart is my purpose

to learn, grow, whine, keep walking...

 I looked at my family and have seen how their lives 

have created ripples that affect the lives of those they've met

How in the face of every adversity we remain loving and strong

Our lives affect other lives

I need to start living my life again since

We intermingle, grow, recede, grow again

And we eventually leave here much wiser

Preferably with hair and without a golfball in the throat