And I wash...

While I was under full time care 

fighting with the walker and dreading the assisted showers

There was one thing I was fixated on

Conquering the washing machine

Hell if I know why

I've never really given washing a second thought

 

I learned to walk, I learned to take the stairs, and eventually shower myself

but in my peanut brain I was on the road to recovery if I could use the washer

I would wait until nobody was looking

stand across the washer and throw things in

eventually I learned to use the gripper to pull things out

eventually learned to do a crumpled-whatever-it-is-fold

Whenever my brain feels overwhelmed

Or my ego starts to wake up and say 'woohoo lookie what happened to you'

I go and use the washer

It reminds me

'look how far you've come'

~ ~ ~

Sometimes I think it's easy to lose yourself in the 'noise' and worry of life

It's easy to become overwhelmed with the lack of control

You realize you can't control things but rather duck, dodge, tweak...

You confront the situation and say 

'ok, I'm not fighting you so let's compromise'

and you dance

The dance of balance infused with love and focus

I don't love washing clothes

But washing gave me focus when all else was confused

I put things in took things out

It was a constant

It was something I could handle

So when my ego says 

'Bwah-ha! All you can do is wash clothes!'

I say 

'Shhhh...look at my kick-ass folding abilities'

~ ~ ~

So if it's overwhelming I want to remember

not to lose my focus

to appreciate the things I can do

to look around and appreciate those I love

because while I may not be here tomorrow

I am here NOW

 and

Thank goodness I have a washer

I don't think my gripper could have washed in the river