A Letter

Thank you so much for the comments

on my previous pity party post

Heehee! Actually it was ALMOST a pity party

but luckily I was able to recognize it for what it was

~ ~ ~

Today is my baby's 16th birthday

Sixteen gulp

I am excited and proud and a teeny fearful

I lost my brother when he was 16 and fear likes to use that to torment me

But that's only about 1% of the time

I look at this kid I made and wonder if I screwed him up

Did I teach him anything? Did I help him? Did I do enough?

Then I figure he's still alive so even my basic was good enough

I look at this kid I made and my heart swells with love

I tell him I love him but long to guide him like the perfect Moms 

in those old-fashioned tv shows (but that's tv)

Instead I'm confronted with a scowling, growling,

jumbled mass of teen hormones

Anything I say contradicts what's in my heart

I want to say have a great day and instead say 

wear a coat, those shoes, where's your bag, blah blah blah

I sound naggy...when did I become naggy?!

 

I look at this kid I made and think whoa we were almost separated

I've always assumed I'd grow to be old and crispy

That I would have time to share some wisdom

Because I must have some wisdom to share by the time I reach crispy-hood

But I almost didn't 

I look at this kid I made and wonder what do you give someone

who wants nothing

And in the silence of the night I awoke with an answer

A Letter

I will write him a letter that will come from my heart 

A letter that will share things in case I don't reach crispy-hood

A letter without the naggies

A letter he won't appreciate now but in time may

But just in case he looks at me and says 

'really? a letter? that's all I got?'

I ordered him a pullover

Heehee not that he would say that but he might think it

~ ~ ~

Happy Birthday my loving child

 

I think I'll tell my Mama to write me a letter

It's good to have these things...these connections