Shrinking Brain and Twitching Eyes

I watched a man as he prayed at Church

He held his hands so that the palms and fingers of each hand touched

Just like the nuns taught us in school 

And I smiled at the familiarity...the comfort of routine

 

I feel sheltered in the cold and snow

The cold crisp air feels good to my lungs

The cold has become routine...and I feel safe

 

My days are spent in therapy

Or taking my time doing the things I've always taken for granted

Each day slowly unfurling into another

And I find comfort in this routine

Then...

The hubby announced he's getting a new kitchen counter top

And my eye twitched

Why? Why I asked? Why are you changing things?

He bombards me with questions

My brain shrinks

Both eyes twitch

I want to stick my head in the snow

~

The Kid stands before me with an endless cold

Points at his stomach and head saying OW

My brain scans for data...and comes up empty-handed

He bombards me with questions about colds, cars, money

My brain shrinks and my eye twitches

I'm building an igloo soon

~

Therapy is over in a week

The driving test is in two weeks

I have things to schedule and a kid to heal

The world is sucking me back in from the place I reside

And it's moving too fast

It's so different, garbled, scary

I start to back peddle...I can't, I won't, I don't... 

I don't grasp things as fast as I once did

I can't 'walk and chew gum'

People have so many questions

And I start to panic

~

When I was little the nuns explained that when we pray

we should hold our hands so the palms and fingers touch

Hold your fingers straight so the prayers can reach the heavens

I would leave a little opening where the middle fingers met

so the prayers had a way out 

I found comfort in knowing, in believing, everything would be fine

I smile

I take a deep breath

I join my hands, bring them close to my face, 

leave a tiny space at the tip of my middle fingers

and I whisper Thank You to God

And I find comfort in knowing all will be fine

All will be as it should