In my latest questioning
I have discovered alot about people
In a crowd of happy and smiling people
There will be that one or two or three
Who wear the smiling mask
Who laugh on cue
Say a few words to keep up the charade
But anyone taking the time to look past the mask
To look into the eyes
Will see the pain of loneliness or fear or confusion
Those are the ones I am drawn to
The ones who a word, a wave or a smile speaks volumes to
The one moment of recognition that says
"Hey, I see you"
~ ~ ~
I recently ran across this great article by
Single Dad Laughing
(great guy)
and I was drawn in by
"I don't have a single real friend..."
And in talking to some online buds
it occurred to me that I don't have any real live friends
I have online friends
but no real person that I would sit and have a beer with
not the movie kind of friend who you could talk hours with
or like my online soul-sis says
'not the Thelma & Louise kinda friend'
Not the kind of person
who you can call and say
'let's get away'
and would know in an instant what that really means
and be ready for you at the curb without a thousand excuses
as you set out on an adventure
But I have acquaintances
Those who are in my life now but will soon move on
And I'll learn what I need to from them
and move on to the next
And I'll always be on the lookout for that person in the crowd
Who needs to be reminded someone cares they exist
It's so easy to not REALLY see those around us; it's often too painful to look closely, or we're reluctant to take on the unspoken responsibility taht comes with the seeing. Good for you for being willing to do that.
ReplyDeleteI have had many friends in my life…I was always the one to walk away from them and never looked back…I was a fool at times and now I only regret ever so slightly the way I handled my friends…But in the new me I am on a mission to meet and great friends from all places and types as well as ages. I want to enjoy life and not always alone either…sometimes alone is great because that is how I am wired it seems.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss some of the "live" people you meet, give them a chance to be friends with you instead of mere acquaintances. You don't need to rescue people all the time, you can be friends with people who are secure in themselves. I think you might be the person in the mask who needs to be "seen". Are you? Come on over, we will talk about it.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of long term commitment to have real friends. It is WORK from both parties, not just one side, and they need to feel secure in the friendship too.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jan; *rescuing* people all the time is unhealthy, and stirs up a lot of unnecessary drama.
What we put out into the world is what is reflected back at us. Maybe that's where the mask is coming from...
Thanks for the cool comments. It is painful to look too closely. To refuse to see what may be reflected back in someone's eyes. And sometimes you find some amazing stories if you bother to ask. It's not rescuing; it's acknowledging another human being. It's acknowledging that you see someone through the false bravado or notice someone alone in a crowd. I admire Single Dad greatly for seeking out those alone and sitting with them. He's not rescuing them and taking them in. For 15-30 min he's listening; he's tapping them on the shoulder and saying 'hey you'. I've seen friends who say 'we're here for you if you need us' and have seen how they are blind to the moments they are needed most. Have seen those supposed friends gasp in surprise when they realize their friend was wearing a mask all along. It's all rather fascinating.
ReplyDeleteThis has stirred up so many emotions for me Elena. I don't even know where to start. That reaching out to someone who is alone is wonderful. It's a huge act of kindness. But Single Dad is not making friends. Those people all come and go quickly. I experienced this phenomenon in a way years ago when I was taking Ethan to the ballpark all the time for autographs. A strange, slightly older kid showed up out of nowhere one day and everything about him screamed that he felt like a misfit. BELIEVED he was a misfit. And therefore people treated him that way. For some reason, I felt compelled to go out of my way for him and treat him like a regular human being.....not some weirdo misfit. I'd make a point of smiling and greeting him with "Hi Herschel! How ya doin'?". And lo and behold, over time he began to change. He began to ACT like a regular person and not a misfit. It was a lesson for me to see that if you treat someone like a valued human being they will tend to act like one. So I really get that part. But what I don't get is this constant moving on to new people and kind of tossing aside the old ones. Some of those old ones love you very much. Most of them I suspect! I fear that if you keep moving on, in the end you will end up alone, and un-necessarily so. What's wrong with collecting friends and keeping them forever?? I don't mean to criticize, I'm just trying to understand. I am left feeling as if I've failed you. Probably because I am the only tribe member (of the six) that is close enough to be an in-person friend. If I have, I am sorry. We have talked so much about the desire for solitude that it never occured to me that you even wanted that kind of a friend. One to have a beer with or go to a movie with. I sorta feel like I'm getting mixed messages here. Anyway, I love you and don't want to lose you. That's the bottom line.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post and philosophy Elena
ReplyDeleteWow, if only I had time to spend with friends...
ReplyDeleteI do shut down as others are quick to assume they understand, but you do have to listen with your heart to hear truth. So many times I don't give others the chance to judge me. You share so eloquently, listen to your truth too.