My Friend, Fear...

While I'm stuck living in the cocoon of my first floor

it occurs to me that Fear and I are sitting side by side

as if we're locked away to learn how to get along

A sort of intervention

I won't lie, Fear has a way of scaring the beejeezus out of me

it gives me scary pictures, stories of doom and gloom,

darkness and so many horrors yet to come

Most times I'm running away or cowering in its grip

But now I'm thinking that Fear is part of me for a reason

perhaps its exaggerated warnings are often hints to something deeper

something that I need to address 

something holding me back

something that I don't understand

I watch how my healing has affected those around me

Each one confronting a fear in their attempt to help me

My growth and their growth

Since my Mama's illness that I spoke about here

she hasn't been traveling by bus for fear of being knocked over

But every morning she took two buses to be with me in the hospital

I remember her coming in one morning standing straight saying

"I took the bus again...what was I afraid of?!"

But her biggest fear was elevators

She couldn't explain the fear of being alone in one

She'd patiently wait for another passenger or go ask someone to ride with her

But at the hospital it was quiet one morning and she told herself

"What are you afraid of? Your daughter is upstairs waiting!"

She got on and arrived in my room with a huge grin

This was big for her...and for me

She confronted two fears for me!

Keeping this is mind I turn and look at Fear

I want to shut my eyes at its hideousness

but instead I look into its Face and ask..."what?"

with each horror I try to say "ok, got it but not there yet so...what?"

and slowly pick through until I discover what it really is it's saying

Most times I discover these bite sizes are much easier to handle

The thing is I am exactly where I am meant to be

I am in a state of transformation...right along with the trees in my yard

There are days I look outside with a feeling of panic 

and its as if the trees reply 

'let it be'

So I continue to learn and heal and love

thank you again for all your words