Run into her Arms

I made what counts as mistake #1 last night

I started reading the aneurysm foundation stories

(cue scary music)

What a big NO! NO!

My hubby has warned me before not to do so

or he'll hide the laptop

The funny thing is I wasn't afraid at all before surgery

because I wasn't sick - I felt fine 

but now that my system is freaking out I try to find a 'cure'

and instead find the horror stories

(like how many more aneurysms will grow in my head)

and I can't breathe

I have new tests coming up Monday

to confirm that my brain hasn't sprung a leak (teehee)

and I can't bear the thought of more doctors

and I'm going absolutely nuts being locked in 

So Fear sucker punched me and sat on me while I was down

But my angels stepped in this morning

(cue heroic music)

My sister & niece came to take my Mama and I for a ride

OH YAY RIDES!

I feel normal when I'm out

I feel stronger

Fear starts feeling Hopeful 

Fear and I decide I don't have a brain leak they're just boogies

Fear and I decide my body's system is just a bit scrambled right now

Fear and I decide we can rock this

Somewhere among this conversation we fall back into gratitude

We see beauty in passing scenery

We decide the chickens, goats, horses, old barns...are beyond beautiful

And the trees...oh the trees

And we remember that we're going through a transformation

(alchemy)

and we're just stuck halfway in the cocoon

in a non-pretty-butt-sticking-out-way

but we're almost there

Then Fear and I realize Nature just held us in a loving embrace
and we send our worries to God and offer a prayer of thanks

And we send prayers to others out there who need them

Well it's more like we envision a great big ball of sparkly Love

and send it out to the world with homemade prayers

So Elena PLEASE remember to run to Nature's arms

when the walls close in