How do you say 'thank you'

At my Doc's appointment this week

he pulled the tape off my head

to reveal a gross 10" worm looking thing sunbathing on my head

(my family insists it's residual glue...I won't look)

he also gave me nutritional orders as well as the mandate to walk

5 miles a day

I laughed

He looked confused

So my sister took me to the state park to walk a little (very little)

I was thrilled because I felt 'normal'

She looked nervous because I wasn't being careful

But the next two days I was so exhausted I could barely lift my arms

 

The nurse reminded me that it will take a w-h-i-l-e for me to heal

that I will feel the fatigue fast, that the swelling will take time

I get angry and try to work through it and my body just zones out

I am at its mercy right now

I just have to listen to it...it's just the way it is

I get restless, desperate, the mind games start...so I reach for gratitude 

~ ~ ~

I begin to think how thankful I am

If my family wasn't taking care of me I know I wouldn't be healing so well

They fit me into their hectic schedules

My sister leaves her family during the week to take care of me 

I feel guilty but oh so thankful

But how do you say 'thank you' - the words aren't enough

I begin to think of how amazing this all unraveled

Early in the year I kept telling my hubby that I had something in my head

'Yep a tumor maybe' I'd say and he'd laugh me off

I started feeling the urgency to get my will done

More like desperation...and the hubby would ask 'what's with you?'

I'd point at my head

Then came the urgency to see the wild horses along the east coast

and I'd say 'I have to go'

So when I came home from that trip with a fluke jostled muscle

and the Doc sent me for MRIs for a look

they found the aneurysm

and here I am no annie, worm on head, and super long sloth-like healing

knowing full well I wouldn't be here had it popped

and I am thankful

But how do you say 'thank you' to God/Spirit when the words aren't enough

I give HIM a thumbs up

My heart swells not really because I'm still alive

but because of how it unraveled, because of the great medical team,

my awesome family and because of all the love I've received

 

Somehow even a huge fireworks show

spelling 'thank you' in a starlit sky

with music playing and the smell of burning campfires

just wouldn't be enough either

maybe something like falling on my knees

sniveling, crying, wrapped around a leg

crying 'thank you thank you thank you' might be better

but then the Doc might wonder if opening my brain wasn't such a good idea

~ ~ ~

By the way

Thank you for all your loving words

I mean to reply but then don't remember if I do

so I apologize if I haven't and send you huge squishy hugs