Gates of Hellish Nightmares

I've come to the conclusion that my brain's default mode is, FEAR

Without struggle and intent, it will catapult me straight to the gates of hell

and then some poor family member has to pick me up by the bootstraps

which luckily hasn't been too often

I decided to share this Madame Styx to remind myself

to quit being such a baby
this gift is like shedding the cocoon
I am being presented with an opportunity to learn to work with FEAR
and awed how this whole thing unfolded
and extremely grateful that I am alive
and that I didn't go through so much of what others do
 

I am finding gratitude in my little victories until I am stronger

I started walking without the walker now (yay!)

I took a shower alone today (oh joy!)

I can put on my clothes (woohoo!)

I do hope in time I can comprehend more when people start asking so many questions

Or that bright lights and loud sounds won't hurt

That hair will grow over the scar (or there's one LONG comb over)

And that I can ride the motorcycle next year

(assuming I don't give in to FEAR-heehee)

and a whole other list of stuff

But there is progress...and that's a very good thing

(meaning I can still see goodness more than those gates of hell)