And I went chicken...

It's almost 4 weeks - yay!

I am so unbelievable thankful for my family

My sisters live with me all week watching me day and night

And my hubby and Mama take care of me on weekends

They figured out I was reacting to the pain pill and took me off

So I can breathe again-woohoo!

But then I started hitting a bit of a dark cloud in the mornings

My mind started waking up and it was filled with words of dread

I couldn't see past sickness

I kept thinking I will always be sick now

And well you know what happens-it spirals

I caught my mind trying to justify this thinking

with reminders of how I felt

I grabbed my walker and hobbled over to my Mama

'what's wrong with my thinking' I whined 'where's the angels?!'

She told me the Footprints poem

So I took a deep breath and told her perhaps I would be better

when my eye opened again

Later that day it opened and I was finally able to see 

And with it came a flood of gratitude

I could see

The gratitude felt familiar...reminded me how I wasn't afraid before

Now I open my eyes and thank God my head plate is still screwed on (teehee)

I thank God I can breathe and that I'm walking small steps without a walker

I was finally able to look down and see the stitches on my belly

apparently they had to take fat to fix a sinus they went through

(they should have taken it all right?)

Each day I make a game of measuring how much more of my skin wakes up

I touch how much glue I have on my head and wonder how it'll come off

I'm awed by each little thing that makes a reconnection every day

Thankful that I remember words I've forgotten when someone reminds me

(OMG I forgot my son's name for a week!)

I can read a bit now but alot doesn't make sense just yet

(as in they don't form pictures in my head like before - YET)

And the dogs are so funny...each day they give me a bit more space

 

I don't like the feelings of the plate on my head

or having to sleep on the recliner or being unable to care for myself

but God has blessed me with a family who loves me beyond words

and that's when I realized my Mama is right

my angels never left

It's ok to be scared

But I survived and I will get over each scary hump

I just have to remember to keep looking at each little miracle

that awaits me every morning

Oh and boy will I be thrilled when all those pills are gone

but for now I'm thankful for their help

Here's the cute version of what I look like (heehee)

head full of bandages, glue, and crooked eyes

Oh I gotta tell you my bigger eye looks so big to me

it freaks me out now that I can see it in the mirror