Feeling the gratitude if it kills me...

I am holding on tight to gratitude

like lint on velvet (haha don't know where that came from)

But I like gratitude more than fear

Fear has a tendency to lurk through my chest until it envelopes & squeezes tight

And yet, fear is a part of me 

A part that is meant to show something? Teach something?

I'm not sure, I haven't tread that way yet

What it has done is awakened the stronger part of me
The part that says 'no! don't give in!'

So I'm doing goofy little things to keep me up

Like my hubby taking me on those rides

And (yes I'm about to admit it) I'm watching cartoons

Scooby Doo, Garfield, Caspar, anything that makes me laugh

I'm doing word search puzzles which are helping with comprehension

Reading very little and listening to zen tunes

And slowly pulling crumbling glue off teeny sections of my hair

I look like a monkey - truly

 

But that gratitude thing...it's big

I've received so many prayers, cards, little perfect gifts, wishes

Madame Styx has received cards from strangers 

which delights me more than Christmas as a kid

Emails and even a perfect scarf for my head (thanks Lynn!)

Yeah I'm simple but I don't care admitting it anymore

 

And then my family

I have never felt their love more than now

 

Today I woke up and remembered that when I picked my word for the year

alchemy

I knew something big was coming

Something that would incorporate previous years' words

trust, love, passion

And it has

I wish it didn't have to be so icky (heehee)

but that's the Universe knocking me on my butt to get my attention

 

Thanks for all your kind and uplifting words

Sorry I've been so whiny and write so many disconnected thoughts

my brain is slowly waking 

and IT WILL NOT BE RUSHED

Huge hugs to you all