Ties that Bind

I was maybe 14 standing in line at the checkout counter waiting my turn. Bored I picked up the little horoscope book entitled Virgo and flipped through it. The first thing I read was "will never be a leader...always a follower". I was partly relieved to finally have an answer to all the "there's gotta be more to life" stirrings which had begun in my head. "See, brain, there is more to life, you are to follow along as the book says". But I mentally cringed at the thought.

But I was quick to use that line "will never be a leader...always a follower" whenever I felt the stirrings to do more, to strive to achieve, or dream big. I was lucky to have support all around me growing up. Instead I held myself back with that one little sentence by truly believing it held my truth. Even when I was old enough to know better and had started to doubt that all Virgos were followers. The idea was already firmly planted and served as a great default to fall back upon. 'It' and fear teamed up to recruit other self doubts until they formed a great chain around the part of me that still knew 'there was more to life'.

I started wondering if I were wrong when a college professor told me "you have so much potential but You are your own worst enemy". And there it was. Another seedling planted in my head. One tiny weak little idea that struggled to grow among the shadow of those already firmly rooted. I knew I had support all around me if I reached out. But my 'follower' tendencies kept me firmly anchored to where I believed I belonged. Behind the line. But the new little seedling would pop up unexpectedly and I started taking little bursts forward that caused havoc in my head and left those around me wondering why I was behaving out of character. (You should see the havoc when I started riding the Harley or became a manager)

And the resulting war in my head between the two ideas, 'be a follower' vs 'you can be more', have created a very interesting dance. One that often becomes tiring and I want to fall on my knees back to the default. But I alone have the power to choose to carry the self-imposed chain around my neck or fly free.

"Chains of habit are too light to be felt 

until they are too heavy to be broken" Warren Buffet 

Or perhaps more fitting 

"It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere" Voltaire