El Camino

A couple months ago I finally had a chance to watch, The Way

The Emilio Estevez movie about a pilgrimage 

on El Camino de Santiago, or The Way of St. James, in Spain

 I cried

For no other reason than in response to the deep sense of longing I felt in my belly

The thing is I teased about going

And the tease planted a seed

That has wormed its way down into my heart

It's all I can think about

Even when I think I'm not thinking about it, I am

 

There are several routes on El Camino

which all lead to Santiago de Compostela

The pilgrimage of about 500 miles

That can take about a month

Staying in hostels or tent along the way

And I want to do it alone

And then FEAR rears its ugly head

For every soul stirring dream my fear responds with

'you can't do it, you'll get mugged or worse, you're a wimp' 

'you'll get sick, what will you drink, you can't even walk a mile'

and as I cower I also feel a part of me that feels indignant

and responds with-I can do anything I want

so fear continues

'you'll be alone in a foreign country'

and I respond by saying I know the language and besides

my surname originates in this part of the country

I'm just going home

heehee yeah the spanish is a bit different than mine
but 'help' is probably the same....right?

Here's the thing

The only other time I've wanted something so badly

Was when I dreamed of riding a motorcycle

And felt the same resistance and exhilaration

And although I find myself in a full blown battle with fear right now

The desire to follow this path 

To add my footprints to the ones of thousands of peregrinos (pilgrims)

who have traveled this path over a thousand years 

 To meet other seekers

Overwhelms me and makes me cry

This pilgrimage represents my quest

I experience life by questioning and observing

And on this journey I would be forced to trust in myself and others

The perfect communion of Self, Nature, and Spirit

where you walk alone or with others you meet on the journey

free of the distractions of everyday life...stripped to the bones

where you discover what you're made of

I'm overwhelmed by fear

and overwhelmed with excitement

A perfect balance

Here's the thing

even if I never get there in this lifetime

Spiritually, I already started the pilgrimage on El Camino de Santiago

I'm battling fear and each step determines how far I get on the path
I then heard a quote on the radio that said
"if you don't go towards the thing you fear, you won't be able to say you lived"

So I started thinking
what if I try to do those things I fear the most
and see what happens

Buen Camino