When I grow up....

At the age of 9 or 10, I was like a deer in the headlights

When the teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up

I was clueless...so I said I want to be a cashier

As some of the kids laughed I thought, I don't want to be a cashier

Where did that come from? Perhaps I was thinking of the money

I liked playing store so I could count out change

For some odd reason this question has been popping up in my mind

"What do you want to be when you grow up"

And I wondered if I ever did decide

There was a time when I used to love sitting my nephews down to play school

But I didn't want to be a teacher; I just loved the paper and pencils

I loved drawing cars and trains onto old boxes then giving each kid a ride

I loved taking my old string puppet and putting on a show for my Mama

Then I wanted to write kid mysteries; but quit after my fingers were stiff from writing

I wanted to be an astronaut, a cave explorer, discover kings in the pyramids

Then I found out I was claustrophobic

Then as a teen I wanted to join the Marines and become an FBI agent

But I quickly learned that cops can't do much to help

And the Marines, well as the last kid at home I knew I couldn't leave

my Mama home with my Dari

I never did decide; instead I fluttered on the wind

Ended up in a career I loved but didn't quite feel 'right'

This phase I'm in, this part of my journey, is interesting

Although I can feel that it's not where I'll stay, I know it's important

It feels as a preparation phase

Like old video games where you collect power pellets to be used later

And for a while now I've seen myself in my dreams

with indigo blue streaks in my hair

And it makes me laugh...thinking oh how silly

But night after night it comes along with the question

"What do you want to be when you grow up"

My original response is that I'm already grown up and on the descent

But deep inside is a little 'something' that squirms and twitches

Something is going on

Following last night's dream of my blue streaked hair

I saw that I was wearing a beautiful pair of indigo blue crystal earrings

And in that moment I thought "I got it!"

I'm thinking about this with my 'earth brain'; I'm thinking linear age progression

I'm still a kid at heart; this 'growing up' has more to do with my next goal

Because each thing I reach for results in growth

The indigo blue hair

I think is trying to tell me to lighten up, have fun, be as a kid again

Because in doing so, the world becomes a vast playground

The learning, the experiences, the curiosity

And if that's not it

Well then I guess I'll have to say cashier

Until I figure it out

~

Now to look into blue highlights....