Looking for hole in sand....

I'm starting to rethink the wisdom behind letting a word pick me for the year

This word, Love, has brought some tough situations

that although I'll be the first to admit provided me with valuable wisdom

Is also beginning to get on my nerves

I took my Mama to visit her regular doc and he mentioned his bypass surgery

Said the situation was scary because he knew what to expect

Said sometimes it's better not knowing

And that's how I'm starting to feel

That although life was passing by in a haze of work stress I was also oblivious

It seems that once I opened myself to being creative and spiritual

That I've been confronted with some tough tasks....and I'm tired

I want to bury my head in the sand again and feel glorious oblivion

My Mama and I are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

The cast comes off soon and although I'm holding my breath

that the infection won't return after her round of antibiotics...I still feel hopeful

Until I received the call from my son who is spending a few days with his dad

That he wants to move in with his dad

I spent 8 years trying to have that kid

And I refuse to spend another 8 years trying to send him back

I caught myself worrying and comparing

The boys in the family all had kids by the age of 17

Lost in gangs or other self destructive behavior

I caught myself feeling as if my son is doomed to repeat the same

His calling to say he wanted to move out

Stirred a bunch of emotions

that ran from betrayal, sadness, anger

wondering why we've become such enemies lately

to a strange relief that said if I agreed to this

then I wouldn't have to deal with the teen crap

Then I shook myself out of that downward spiral and said hell no

I'm the Mama and I'm in charge

I'm responsible to get you to adulthood in one piece if it (or I) kills you

Hee hee

But at 13 he's entering these moody teen years in fine form

And I'm not ready for it....

I wonder if it would make a difference if

I cover him in my hormone patches

hmmm....

Remember that whole 'it takes a tribe to raise a family'

sure wish I had a tribe

But in the interim, if you have any words of wisdom

markers to guide my path as I enter that doomed teen path

I'd greatly appreciate it