Funny thing called Change

 

It's probably the season

That has inspired so many ideas about change

Change is a given

And yet it can inspire great fear

This moment that I stand in right now

Was a great fear yesterday or last month or last year

And yet here I stand, content

The perceived dragons and world implosions nowhere to be found

I fear change

because it means losing familiarity

even if the familiar isn't a good fit

What if I's take over

What if they's soon follow

I try to hold on; shackle them to my wrist

in the hopes of dragging them with into the future

but inevitably even they transform

becoming something grander...or not

Change may be beautiful

Change may be horrifying

But even that change changes (still with me?)

~ ~ ~

Several years ago I walked away from an 18 yr marriage

But what tore me apart was that although I still cared for him deeply

I knew we were no longer good for one another

I resisted the change that beckoned

I mourned for the loss of a large family I would never have

I feared the loss of a friend

And standing at the last football game I smiled in wonder

To my left, the new hubs

To my right, the smiling old hubs and his new wife

Holding onto my hands as we spun in circles, their four year old son

And at holiday parties

My new hubs laughing

As one of my two step sons has me in a headlock calling me Mexi-Ma

And greeting his ex wife and her new hubs with a hug and warm smiles

As they tease about my insisting that their grandchild call me Nana instead of grandma

As painful as that change was

I didn't lose a friend but rather gained the large family I craved

Unable to have more children, the Universe found a way to give my son siblings

The thing is, change can be easy and it can be hard

It's all fluid

It's all about perceptions

It's like a willow dancing with the winds

It's about trusting that the Great Spirit will be at your side

That there is good even in the bad

That the contrast between the two is what makes life beautiful

And if change leaves you in an undesirable spot

The key is remembering that you're not stuck in it

You can change it or change the way you view it

 

Life is rather amazing, no?