This Christmas

I struck back with a full blown strike

Against any store, mall, television or radio commercial

That tried convincing me that the value of X-mas

was to be measured by the giving or receiving of the latest, greatest, must-have-gift

In stripping away this facade of commercialism

I discovered a growing number of small businesses that still say "Merry Christmas"

I discovered that this paring down to basics could result

in symptoms reminiscent of DTs as I wondered if my meager gifts were 'enough'

I discovered that once I worked through the distractions, I could strike gold

Unencumbered by judgment or self doubt I let myself be me
I was decked out in multiple necklaces, bracelets, multi colored nail polish
I danced to Christmas carols; I said 'I love you', I smiled big, I hugged hard
I made eye contact with everyone
I joked and teased with every family member and played with every kid

And I must share the most valuable gift I received

As I left my brother in law's house yesterday

Drooling I swiped six homemade cookies and wrapped them in a holiday napkin

We came to a stop light and I saw a hunched over old woman

sitting on a milk crate off to the side

my heart felt heavy thinking of her being alone 

She was too far to give money to and the cars were gathering behind us

I hesitated between knowing what I wanted to do and wondering what I could do

And then my hubs said, "Do you want to give her something?"

He turned the corner, parked and handed me money

The woman struggled to get up and started limping towards us

I ran to meet her, holding out both hands and saying "Merry Christmas"

she didn't look at the money

her eyes were focused on the brightly colored napkin I lay in her hand

"It's not much" I said "but Merry Christmas"

She looked so excited

I literally saw the light come up from the corners of her expanding smile

across her toothless grin and crinkle the corners of her expanding eyes

like a kid....at Christmas

We stood there our hands connected by the meager offerings

As she kept saying thank you and I replied 

"No, thank you" as I held on a moment longer

My heart soared when I stepped in the car

Watching her unwrap the little package with care

I felt touched by the Light

the one that Christmas is all about

the one with promises of hope, rebirth, love

a gift I had received from someone with apparently very little to give

Ok so it may seem mean to give cookies to a toothless little grandma

but they were soft and oh so yummy

Here's the thing, I found out Christmas isn't what society tells me it is

It's about connections to others around us

About remembering that the Light within us expands when shared

it's about love and hope and gratitude

and all the other feel good thingies that I was lucky enough to experience