AW refers to acknowledging the artist child within. I read some of the comments to my posts and squirmed uncomfortably each time someone made reference to "my talent" or referred to me as "an artist". My ego, or as AW puts it 'inner critic', went nuts with those. "How DARE you!", it screeched. "Who are you kidding", it ranted. But I was a bit stronger than it this time around and just ignored it. My hubby and I went to Nashville, IN (Brown County) yesterday. I love that little town; a definite must see if you like quaint shops and lots of trees. I found myself eye-balling a little leather trifold portfolio small enough to fit my saddlebags and large enough to hold a small sketchbook. I imagined what this could look like when I'm 90-worn from use and showing my grandkids as I rocked on my porch telling stories. I imagined drawing the things I see on the road. Guess who chimed in right away? But this time I had to thank that nagging inner critic. If it weren't for him, I would have walked out of the store without it. When he said I wasn't worthy of having it, I turned around and bought it. I told myself, "yes, I do have talent and I will draw in this and show my grandkids."
As I unpacked the storage items in the basement, I ran across a drawing I did when I was 23 or so. I remember back then thinking, yep, I'm going to learn to draw and it'll be great. It didn't happen. The ego won and kept me under wraps for 18 years. So here I am at 41 trying again but this time I have ammunition-a supportive hubby, son and fellow artists who pick me up by the bootstraps when I need it. Funny how I get so much support from fellow artists I've never even met. It's nice; makes you believe in humanity when the news dishes out so much doom & gloom. Anyway, here's a pic of that early drawing. It makes me laugh now but not in a mean way like my ego did. This time I look at it as I do kid's drawings. Mental hug and say "really nice".
So this weekend I give myself a pat on the back and a sketchbook pad.
Oh honey, that drawing and book are so grand...
ReplyDeletekeep it up, I hear the strength in your words. and your image is so strong and where you want go. After a few month you will be amazed at what you have witness on you bike rides and documented them.
Well done Elena. Love the leather portfolio. I'm so glad you didn't listen to that inner critic.
ReplyDeleteI too have had so much amazing support from my artist friends I have never met.
I went to university, studied art and got a degree in my 40's. It was something I always wanted to do but my inner critic held me back. I won in the end though.
Thank you both. I really do have you guys (gals) to thank. It's like a cheering squad. Uta, thanks for sharing about school. Sometimes I think I'm too old to start something new.
ReplyDeleteI had not seen that one! Think you were talking about it though? (email me, Elena, - can't find you in my address book.)
ReplyDeleteHi Elena,
ReplyDeleteThat's a big win. I LOVE your drawing, it is exquisitely rendered. Sometimes I need to look at my "old" stuff to remember that yes I was, am and always will be a creative being. I also like to take my older stuff, copy it and work on it. It gives me a jumping start and allows me to breath fresh life (and more current me) into old creative pieces.
Like Uta, I took art and psychology in college (in my early 40's). Got a degree in psychology which was great accomplishment. I had a burning desire to do it and did. Desire and intent and visualization = joy. Do you paint as well or is drawing your main love?
P.S. I am amazed at the support and love of online friends I have never met. Even on the internet I feel their energy across the miles.
Bev
Sometimes the critic refuses to let me fill those nice journals...but I argue with that perfectionist all the time. That drawing is great...surprised it wasn't bought up long ago!
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