I never thought much of my dislike for women who didn't work. Everyone I knew worked, and those who didn't I categorized as lazy or the "foofy-Barbie types". It wasn't until I stopped working and felt the same dislike towards myself that I realized just how deeply this dislike ran. I never considered myself prejudiced. I figured prejudice referred to racial attitudes but prejudice can be defined as "an irrational attitude of hostility" - and that's what I felt towards myself. Funny how attitudes can change once you're confronted with new knowledge. Although my attitude has changed towards other non-working women, it hasn't changed towards myself. Sure there are still the lazy and foofy women but there are a far greater number who choose not to work "traditional-type" jobs that dedicate their time to raising families or helping society. I realized that there are those who appear not to have jobs that do more in a day than others do in a week. This forced me to look into why I'm prejudiced. It then occurred to me that my mom always worked. I hated that the other kids had their moms at home for breakfast and after school and that my mom was working in a factory. She had to work-she had to feed, educate, clothe us. So perhaps this prejudice started as envy. Envy towards the other kids. When I left work I felt guilty. Guilty because I don't have to work - as she did. Guilty because I miss the money even though I love the time with my son. Funny how quickly these feelings can turn into dislike. I haven't found my niche yet. I hope to eventually find a way to make money and still spend time with my son. But for now I am ashamed to admit to this prejudice but happy that I discovered the source and that I can learn to erradicate it. But for now, I still squirm when someone asks "what I do for a living". Is "Finding Myself" an answer?
I sometimes respond "I'm on hiatus".
Sunday, May 31, 2009
5 comments:
Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are my fellow travelers in life's journey and I respect your words of wisdom.
Or click here to send me an email
Email me!
Peace!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hiatus is a good place, sabbatical may be more affirming. I chose not to work when my children were born...I grew all their food and used a large amount of creativity to manufacture a good life on minimal income. I've always been jealous of those women who don't have to work and didn't give up their individuality to obtain that. Why not me?
ReplyDeleteAre we really defined by what we do for a living? So does that mean the better the job the better the person??? When someone asks what you do for a living you say you enjoy yourself as life is too short to squander.
ReplyDeleteDoris: I like that. Sabbatical. I think it's awesome that you were able to devote that time.
ReplyDeleteUta: I think, no I know, that I defined (perhaps still do) myself by the job. It was all-consuming to the point that I considered it my life. I had no life outside work. Before my son was born I would work 12+ hr days and after I would take work home. I lost myself. And I like that part of enjoying life. You're right.
Hi Elena,
ReplyDeleteI took a moment this morning to stop in but need to come back and visit as just ready this post I hear you and I also want the brashy type in me or the bear snapping to say to the people that ask... I'm doing what ever I --- well feel like doing but that surely wouldn't be nice. A good I'm working on my life right now and enjoying the shit! out of it is a better one yet... ok I'll be back if you'll let me.
Laura, thanks, I needed to hear that because you make me laugh. You're right of course. I realized my own guilt is making me ashamed but in the long run, I'll come out ahead. How many people have a chance to get to know themselves.
ReplyDelete