Caught Between Panes of Glass

The weather is finally warm and sunny

The winds blew through the budding trees

And the roads busy with happy bikers

But I couldn't feel the sun's rays or the caress of the warm winds

On my side of the hospital window

Seeing the world through a literal pane of glass

The past few days my Mama's health declined

Took her to the emergency room Saturday morning

Stayed by her side as they ran tests trying to find the cause

Being nourished only by the i.v. fluids

Standing guard making sure they're careful with the broken leg

The torn rotator cuff

I wouldn't leave her side

I was awed by the conversations we were having

Her eyes are mostly closed but open for longer periods each day

But she's not asleep; she'll talk and joke occasionally

She hears everything going on in the room

As I sit there she'll say "huh, strangest thing, I just saw my brothers and your dad"

Then she'll laugh and say "They look better than when they died"

She'll say, "I just saw these beautiful blue sparkling lights

 and a floating white 'cap' was placed on my shoulder" and her shoulder feels better

She'll open her eyes and we'll discuss what she saw

She'll say she heard me talking but wanted to see what happened

in the vision behind her eyelids

Then she'll ask "Is this what you see when you meditate?"

It was quiet for a while; I thought she was asleep

As I tiptoed across the room she said

in an oddly raspy serious tone

"In life we need to be aware of the path we travel

We need to pay attention to the things that trip us up"

"Explain" I said. Curious if she was asleep or awake.

She repeated the sentence.

I said "Yes, we do. Ma, I've learned that the rough patches are what forms us"

"It's like planting a young tree. If you protect it too much
 it won't withstand the first strong storm"

"Yes", she said with her eyes closed "Like that"

She said "What's happening to me now, is one of those moments"

And you're tangled up in this because you're supposed to learn something"

I smiled

Glancing to the left out the hospital window at life outside

Glancing to the right at my Mama and the glimpse to the world on the other side
Antevasin
I'm in between

I'm seeing the world through a figurative pane of glass

~ ~ ~

I kiss her goodbye

she smiles and says she hasn't seen Carlos yet

My brother who died

I tell her it's not time

As she closes her eyes again I walk into the hall and turn back

"Hey, you can visit them but don't stay", I say

She gives me a smirk and a thumbs up