Spring...I didn't miss it afterall

One thing I remember from The Artist's Way
is the importance of 'filling the well'
The act of filling that inner reservoir by doing something enjoyable
Giving us something to draw inspiration from

What I wasn't aware of, or shall I say, didn't recognize
Is that this also applies to my life as a whole
Apparently the more you give; the more it depletes that which you draw from

I missed the little signs that acted like the Empty gas indicator light in my car
things like getting choked up over stuff I could normally handle
or parking on the wrong level or being so tired I just pass out
The slurring, forgetting things and not knowing what day it is
Getting sick or arriving at my destination and not remembering the journey

What I didn't expect was the uncle insinuating I was at fault
Nor the call from my sister in law that threw me into a spin
Who in not so many words told me that all my spiritual beliefs
The Reiki, the meditation, the things going on at the hospital
Were all the work of the devil
I should have recognized this for what is was
Instead I found myself questionning the validity of my beliefs
Almost agreeing to the Jehovah bible study she offered

As I drove to the hospital I noticed that everything was looking green
I suddenly noticed flowers and buds opening on trees
I love Spring; love watching the first little shoots
Awed by that seemingly weak seedling break through the ground's crust
Thrilled when they defy the spring frost or pouncing dog's paws
As if saying 'we broke through and you can't hold me back now'
So I was sad to see I had missed it

When the doctor told my Mama she has to get better because it's Spring
She responded 'not for me'
And for a split second I understood; it is Spring for me
Not outside that window but rather inside me
All that is happening has caused something reminiscent of Spring
A thawing; a budding; seedlings...spiritual spring

After my sister in law's call I sat dejected; I heard the scrape of the bottom of my well
Putting shame aside I sent an email to my spiritual friends (ohm family)
I didn't expect the barrage of responses that left me feeling
Like I was overflowing with love (yeah Love)
And within their responses I found the clues
I have reached a point where it's time to get clear on what my beliefs are
Without worrying that I need to define or justify them
Perhaps it's what that priest meant when he said 'you don't need proof...you know'
Because my truth is not anyone else's truth

So today I thank my sister in law for kicking me when I was most vulnerable
It's like the frost that feeds the seedling's thirst in the early morning
Her call prompted my reaching out to the ohm family
And the ohm's filled the well enough for me to see
I broke through and can't go back now