Toilets on the Other Side

Ok, I fully intended on stopping my saga with the last post but well here I am again.

I arrived at the hospital only to find that my Mama looked worse

Her voice barely above a whisper she breathlessly tells me she couldn't breath last night

She starts to get choked up trying to tell me that she's trying to eat but it comes out

Then mid sentence she falls asleep

I choked up and started to cry a bit then chastised myself

Trying to hold back the tears I told myself to get a grip; act don't react

I called the nurse and lashed out

Yeah yeah I know

But I wanted answers

She calmly answers all my questions

I point out every swollen part on my Mama's body

I jot down medications and dosages

My Mama opens her eyes and tells me to apologize; I laugh...she's still the Mama

The GI doc comes in and I jump to confront him

We got off on the wrong foot the other day

when he came in and said we have two things here

1. Call the insurance and find out if I'm being paid

2. We're putting your mom on antibiotics

I couldn't believe it so for the last couple days

 I've been arguing with the insurance company

So seeing as how my anger level was still up there I was waiting for him

He strolled in and asked my Mama how she felt

I started with "Let me tell you how she feels!"

"You'd better be giving her 100% and stop worrying about being paid"

"I'm dealing with the insurance now how are you fixing her"

I stood so close I could look into his nostrils and I pumped myself up to look taller (heehee)

I was livid

Her infection is resisting one of the meds so he referred her to another specialist

My Mama whispers to him that she's going home tomorrow and smiles

He tells her why wait till tomorrow you should go home now

 and your daughter will take great care of you

as he smiles at me and pats my arm

Two more specialists came in; new drugs; new hope

Keeping my fingers crossed

A priest stopped by to see my Mama and after giving her a blessing I said

"So, I smelled roses the other day"

He asked "Did it bring comfort" I nodded

 so he continued "then you don't need proof of anything"

He said a young woman downstairs spoke of seeing

an angel in her room all night and he told her the same thing

I told him 'yep, I have faith in what I've experienced here"

and then the toilet flushed in the bathroom

He finished talking then washed his hands and asked

 "is someone in the bathroom because I keep hearing sounds coming from inside"

I said "Nope" and smiled

He laughed and as he nodded his head walked away saying

 "you don't need proof"

I asked my Mama if she heard the flush and she said "yep, just like the other day"

The day we smelled the roses

The day I asked the cleaning lady if it was her; the toilet flushed

I tried the toilet and it's one of those push buttons; so perhaps it's a faulty valve

That decides to flush whenever we question the roses

I can't describe the feelings in that room

Something

Something only between my Mama and I

but I saw that the priest felt it

I won't deny I'm scared

My Mama had her eyes closed and said she was looking down at her feet

as if she were standing and could see she was wearing a black dress

She'd open her eyes and say but now I see I'm laying in a white bed

She'd close her eyes and say and now I'm standing in the black dress

My sister took the night shift to be with my Mama tonight

I wanted the night shift

I wanted to see if things are different with nightfall