HaPpY BiRtHdAy Elena

Happy Birthday Elena!

Think it's odd to wish myself a happy birthday?

Conceited? Off my rocker? False modesty?

Actually it's me trying something different

~

Ever wonder what a bird must feel 

when one minute he's flying merrily along, then 

WHAM! he hits a window

stunned he lays on the floor not knowing what the hell it was

he looks up, sees nothing, but knows he's just been stopped dead in his tracks

~

In the past couple of days, it has come to my attention

That I am a bully

I've been carrying around an anger streak for the last month or so

It lay beneath the surface and was wholly self-directed

But the problem is when you don't know it's happening...it keeps happening

Until WHAM! you're stopped in your tracks

it starts spilling out in nonsensical ways

leaving everyone around you wondering if you're wearing the patch

and all you want to do is punch them in the eye as they give you sidelong glances

hee hee ok not that bad (I think)

But it was enough to leave me laying on the floor stunned

wondering what happened

and imagine my surprise when the response had something to do with

self esteem and self respect 

I sat up straight? What?! I sound like a freakin talk show!

I lay back down disgusted telling the Universe, "oh now what!"

Then I remembered something someone said about being nice to yourself

So as I grumbled I decided maybe I could try it

I said to myself, you're turning 44

That's a long time to fight with yourself

You're stuck with you so you'd better make the best of it

Besides you're either going to live to 88
meaning you're smack in the middle of your life

or you're living to 50 and almost done

 The weird thing is
I may be 44 but feel like I'm reverting to my childhood
drawing stick figures and dramatic-horror-stories (overactive imagination)
(at this rate by 60 I'll be crawling and eating crayons)
but then again, in a moment of feeling like I was walking a parallel path
instead of my true one
I did ask the Great Spirit that I wished to reconnect to my path
I just didn't think I would go that far back!
heehee
Ok so it's not that dramatic (heehee see what I mean)
I remembered telling a friend that lessons keep reappearing until learned
Instead of being horrified that I've discovered I'm an old fart with self esteem issues
I'll figure out what gives
And see what comes of it
Cuz in the end it's all fertile ground

Now....

I've got no time to waste

Bring on the cake!