What is IT?

Note: This is a super long read as a result of a super long drive maybe best saved for a day where you've got nothing to do. I wasn't going to share it but something inside is insisting.

 ~ ~ ~

I've been behaving like a caged tiger lately

Like the ones in the dreaded zoo that pace back and forth back and forth

And my heart breaks in millions of pieces to look in their eyes

And although I am grateful for, and love, The Kid

And the new hubby who is one of my champions and best friends

Even the old hubby who will always be my friend (even when we fight)

And my loving family and you all and a gazillion other things

There's still the cage...

I usually pace and pace; keeping the gypsy soul in check

But this weekend I felt claustrophobic and couldn't contain the urge to run

To be free, to be alone, for sweet silence where I could listen to the Earth speak

And in the middle of weeding I dropped it all and jumped on the motorcycle

and this is what I found

A-rush-of-air-that-carried-the-scent-of-sun-kissed-corn-and-glorious-greens-and-browns-as-the-Earth-extended-her-arms-towards-the-deep-blue-sky-that-nestled-puffy-white-clouds-and-among-the-swirls-of-Nature's-palette-I-sensed-music-twirling-caressing-all-around-me-like-little-musical-notes-reminiscent-of-Disney's-Fantasia-and-all-I-could-do....

was laugh

I felt alive

As if my six senses were fully charged, connected and operating as a whole

Coming back home and getting off the bike with a smile

The hubby grinned and said

"You found It, didn't you"

As I drove to my Mama's today, listening to music

My song came on...that one song that somehow reaches inside my soul

bringing to mind visions similar to those on the bike

that acts like a secret password to awaken all six senses at once

"Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison

And I smiled at the floaty feeling in my belly

It occurred to me then that I'm not caged

Never was

But why did one moment of connection make all the difference in the world?

What did I connect to?

What is It? The elusive It that acts like a drug to calm my gypsy soul?

And I thought some more (it's a long drive to Mama's)

What is it about It that is so intoxicating?

Unwittingly I've tried finding it before

In the clubs dancing all night (no wonder I was thin!)

At the bar after work trying to drown the frantic pacing of my soul

But these imposters only gave me a taste of It

a temporary high that I now realize is nowhere near It

Still nowhere near Mama's I continued the stream of thought

Where have I felt It before and how can I tell others?

Then I remembered I connected to It for the first time when

I painted on a large canvas with my hands with the music blaring

It was intoxicating and sensual and belly warming

And made me laugh and feel drunk and giddy

Ok by now y'all are thinking I'm on drugs or something

But I discovered more

I think we also connect to It when we feel an attraction to someone

Perhaps it's why we can't get enough of the other person

That wooing moment triggers all six senses and connects them as one

Is it any wonder then that these moments trigger great works of art

reawakens our own passion

Could it be then that the attraction is sparked by something 

we yearn for in our lives that has eluded us

and once our six senses are buzzing we find what we're looking for

but mistakenly think it lies in the situation, the event, the person

but instead it lies within us and is uncovered during that six sense alignment

might explain why sometimes when the alignment is gone so is the attraction

Well as I said I wasn't going to share this

but I could feel the insistent urge to post

and know this needs more of my curious attention

And I'm sure I've lost y'all by now

I'm still whirling....

...and need time to think.