Do you Break Yourself?

I'm just finishing up Week 4 of the Artist's Way

It calls for a week of reading deprivation and it was tough

Eye opening

I also discovered something interesting

Why is it that we often think failure is not an option?

Is it how we were raised? Our peers? Social media?

Is it fear? Fear of judgement? Fear of ridicule?

And what is it that we turn away from because of that fear?

And how far will we go to squash it into submission?

Truth is I no longer think there is such a thing as failure

They are learning opportunities

Moments to regroup, reassess, manipulate...try again

But I forget that and fall back upon old ways of thinking

Faced with that perceived failure

I resort to self-bashing that tells me how much I...blah,blah,blah

So that's what happened yesterday

But it took a new twist

I convinced myself that I must have self-esteem issues 

which would forever doom me to a life lived without passion

Because how could someone with so much doubt

 possibly be good at anything

And then I caught this performance on X-Factor

quite accidentally since I was too lazy to change the channel

And my heart broke for this little 16 yr old who was scared senseless

During questioning, one of the judges sarcastically asked 

"...you look at you tube and you see all these new singers coming along

- is that how you try to break yourself?"

If you don't watch the whole video

Atleast try to watch that moment where she transitions 

from a shaking, timid, scared being

into the passionate being who connects with her true spirit

Do you see the difference between her stance, the strength in her voice

the look on her face, in her eyes

She's the same person

Just a different attitude

And then I understood what the judge meant

"-is that how you try to break yourself "

Do we try to break ourselves like they used to break a horse

where they wear down the spirit and strength in an effort to tame it?
Do we beat ourselves into submission with thoughts of what ifs-failure?

So I realized my silliness

I can have doubts and still be passionate

I just have to reverse the effects of having been 'broken in'

And then kick-ass
heehee
See what reading deprivation does to me?