Paths of Education

Recently I've been intrigued by the concept of chosen paths or this life being a learning experience we chose before we were born. I had trouble with that one when I think of the abuse or suffering I've seen. But then I started looking at myself. It seems that whenever I head in a wrong direction I get little warning signs that start out as feelings of something not being right. I begin to wonder if my thinking or actions are wrong but my ego quickly justifies what I'm doing. So I continue. Then I'm confronted with a roadblock of sorts that changes my way of thinking or behavior. This has happened a couple times but I never acknowledged it and I fell back into it. But I'm growing. I'm trying to be more aware of those little warning signs. I sit still and focus on what's going on and what I'm being told. And it's been working. Here is proof of some lessons:

Lesson - #1 - My brother was killed when I was 4 by a "white" teen as a racial killing. I grew up disliking anyone "white" because of this. Of course it doesn't make sense but I was a kid. This was reinforced when I went to high school and college and found myself around racial circumstances. I changed colleges and found myself the only Mexican in class. Against my screaming ego, I slowly befriended a group of kids who became the best friends ever. I realized then that I was wrong. One person killed my brother. And it didn't matter what "color" he was. Since then, I don't see color anymore. And HA! my new husband is Polish. I hope to not offend any of my friends. The funny thing is everyone I greatly admire and respect now are white. This is my most valuable lesson. I'd hate to think of the people I would have missed out on if I insisted on listening to my ego on this one.

Lesson #2 - My dad was an alcoholic. When I turned 21 I was well on my way to following in his footsteps. I received lots of signs then but they were all ignored. Until I ended up at the doc's office with alcohol poisoning, black eye and swollen cheek. Lesson learned.

Lesson # 3 - That disdain for non-working women - I've discovered a new sense of respect for them since I haven't been working. But when I was in high school I remember the girls talk about getting engaged to marry the one who would support them and finding the boyfriend on the side to keep them entertained while they sat at home. I think that's where I formed my misconception of non-working women. Thankfully, that's a select few.


So I believe in paths. These are great lessons I learned. I'm sure there will be more. Right now my greatest task is the one of self-discovery. And in the process I've discovered that my son is a carbon copy of me. If I can teach him some of what I've learned think of how much farther he'll be on his path.
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My mom and hubby tease me. They say my angel has a tough job. We've agreed that he must have been a mischievious angel who was assigned to me as punishment. He has asked for a transfer to someone else but has been told I need all the help I can get and he has to complete his mission. My hubby recently bought me this. He says this is exactly what my angel looks like as he says "Oh no! NOW WHAT is she up to"....