I'm feeling 'strange' but not sure why. "Calm before the storm" would be a good description.
I've been working around the garden; seems the weeds have taken over. But I feel as if I'm in a suspended state where I'm more aware of my surroundings. I actually followed an ant carrying another ant around the yard. I wanted to see where he was going. I've been studying the expressions on my dog's face. I've been watching the water drops on the red maple leaves. I stood almost nose to nose with a dragonfly trying to see if I could see his face. My son was talking to me and I never heard him - I was in such a zone.
For a couple nights when I'm sleeping I'll start to wake up a bit and while my eyes are still closed I feel like I'm looking at other rooms. Meaning they're not familiar to me. The coloring seems a bit off; almost like a black and white movie with a bluish tint. And the angle seems a bit askew and I feel like I'm gliding but not quite in control. Like if I try to focus on something on a dresser to get my bearings, I zoom out instead of in. The first night this happened I thought ok, not too weird. Then I was at Sam's trying to write a check and I wrote it all wrong. I started worrying that perhaps something was wrong with me. That night the "traveling dream" happened again. Of course now I'm worried I have a brain tumor.
I've been working around the garden; seems the weeds have taken over. But I feel as if I'm in a suspended state where I'm more aware of my surroundings. I actually followed an ant carrying another ant around the yard. I wanted to see where he was going. I've been studying the expressions on my dog's face. I've been watching the water drops on the red maple leaves. I stood almost nose to nose with a dragonfly trying to see if I could see his face. My son was talking to me and I never heard him - I was in such a zone.
For a couple nights when I'm sleeping I'll start to wake up a bit and while my eyes are still closed I feel like I'm looking at other rooms. Meaning they're not familiar to me. The coloring seems a bit off; almost like a black and white movie with a bluish tint. And the angle seems a bit askew and I feel like I'm gliding but not quite in control. Like if I try to focus on something on a dresser to get my bearings, I zoom out instead of in. The first night this happened I thought ok, not too weird. Then I was at Sam's trying to write a check and I wrote it all wrong. I started worrying that perhaps something was wrong with me. That night the "traveling dream" happened again. Of course now I'm worried I have a brain tumor.
The travelling dream is probably a symbol for your self discovery journey you are on.
ReplyDeleteI think you are suffering from the anticipation of all those women coming to your yard to draw and paint. Am I ready? Am I good enough? Will they like my home? relax.....they do and will.
ReplyDeleteHA! That's funny because yes I was worried that there wouldn't be anything for anyone to draw. Then I realized you all see beauty in anything. You'll look past the weeds and find that hidden flower. Besides, you'll then appreciate the garden more next year if you see it now. :)
ReplyDeleteWe were at the Girl Scout camp-in the rain-stuck in a cabin-and you should see the stuff we came up with to draw....relax....it will be liberating
ReplyDeleteLove how you are observing the expressions and actions of life around you, even tiny ants. The world is full of wonder, isn't it. And that zone is such a great place to be. I get pretty disoriented myself when I have to come back into the real world. Also, that dream/half asleep place where you are going lately seems intriguing. As if you are letting go of "reality" in all ways and filling up your inner well with new ideas to create from! I suppose balance is the key, but still the zone feels so good, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the ride! Doesn't always have to be on the motorcycle.
you could just be having a crappy writing time....
ReplyDeleteI have at least one other friend who for a week or so at a time randomly can not make words come out right in a sentence without effort or me just knowing what she's saying. It only usually happens to me for a day or two at a time.
could simply have something to do with exploring like you are. All of those things with looking and seeing and hearing. They don't happen with words.
I may spend the rest of my life trying to show people the way to that place "zoning out" where you are just connected with everything and its all so wonderful. But the way there is different for everyone, and many people have never even been there.
(as I leave long comments all over the place)
I once spent half of a lunch break from work sitting in a wendys looking out the window down at the little pebbles they had put there to cover the soil. a bird hopped around, and then was gone. But the rocks were still there, I still watched them. Looked at colors and shapes and sizes and the difference between the shrub that was planted next to them.
usually I get lost when looking at things at the store too, and the cashiers try to talk to me and I fail horribly at realizing this until I'm leaving usually. They must think I'm strange alot.
Artists are supposed to be strange are they not? I zone quite often, especially at museum, zoo or art fairs and couldn't retrace my footprints as to how I got to destination. Sounds like far too much pressure to become rather than simply evolving naturally. Need to take a lesson from the dragonfly or maybe more importantly the dog who certainly knows what is important and what is not.
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