It's true I've always preferred hanging around the guys but had a couple girlfriends I kept at arms' length. I never felt comfortable around women. I felt out of my element...as if I didn't belong. I don't follow fashion trends, don't know much about makeup or hair or cooking or keeping house and was never part of any crowd. I don't understand them or the cattiness often displayed.
As I quietly contemplated this mental dilemma, hubby revised the statement to "Elena has issues with women who are foofs." Ah...ok, more mental fuel. Foofs is my term for the portion of humanity that I truly do not understand and dislike. They display superior self-importance, feel the rules do not apply to them, will stab you in the back, will demean you in front of others, will envy everything you have and all your accomplishments, will play mind games, will feel better than you in every possible way and let you know it, etc etc.
I seem to attract foofs like magnets. In the past several years I've learned they come in different flavors. I've worked with alot of male bosses who were foofs. Uggh...nothing uglier than men behaving in this way. And they are good at it. But I learned to stand my ground and they can get pretty ugly when they realize I'm not scared. Higher up...uglier it gets.
Recently I discovered the most dangerous foof...the wolf in sheep's clothing. I met this one and decided to ignore all my warning signals to stay away. But being a friend's wife and road companion I decided to open up. Only to find out that the smiles, friendliness, false meekness were only skin deep. But the sheep's clothing fell off and exposed the true ugliness. But this one hurt because I didn't listen to my warning and I learned to like her and miss her husband. Lesson learned.So instead of focusing on lack of women friends I decided to look at those I do have. There's my sisters, different from each other but love me no matter what. There's Lee. Nobody like her. Tough as nails in a little package, senior estimator, with 3 motorcycles at home, and a HUGE love for life. And the newest discovery; the artists. I've met some of these and know others only through blogs. But what an untapped treasure. This group is deeper and richer than any I've known. The wealth of knowledge, love for life and true humanity is unmatched.
Then it hit me, I don't dislike women. I dislike foofs in all flavors. I like strong women (and men). I like those that are comfortable in who they are or are becoming and don't feel a need to make themselves feel important by sacrificing those around them. They're not afraid to make mistakes or admit to them. I've learned now to trust and listen to my instincts. I can look into a person's eyes and know. I don't need to like everyone but there's nothing wrong with opening up to those I really like.
And hubby... your friend's wife hasn't visited because I don't like the look in her eyes. And I don't have to. So there....
I'm civil to people. I'm civil to women even when they've given me lots of reasons not to be. I'm pretty sure that some of the women at work (cashiers at my the hardware store are mostly women) talk about me behind my back, but I am still civil to them.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the best things though, is that they don't understand me. I don't gossip. I'll listen but I'm not going to tell every other employee that walks by. I don't know how to be catty. I can't recognize it most of the time, other than wondering why the other person keeps repeating some remark. Most recently the sister of a friend was saying how dirty dogs are but that my friends dog was okay. It had to be explained to me later that this was the sister's constant insult to their brother's girlfriend by way of the girlfriend's dog. that the girlfriend was dirty (or smelly or something) ...oh. well that's stupid. and the only part that I caught was the sister freaking out unnecessarily over a dog licking her or nosing her. I kept wanting to tell the sister to calm down it was just a dog. but it was never about the dog...
because of things like this I often flippantly say women are stupid. They aren't really, as a whole. But many of them I don't like, and I really don't understand the subtle seemingly useless things they do.
Best of all I like to wonder at how many women were being catty or mean to me, and I simply didn't notice. I think about how mad or confused that must have made them, and its really pretty funny.
rambling blah blahs again
Great read. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteStevie, you're too cool. I felt better knowing I'm not the only one this happens to.
ReplyDeleteUta, thanks as always :)
Oh Elena,
ReplyDeleteYou have a gift of words and the ability to express them openly and understandable. And I'm called lonecrow 4 for a reason.... not one for the foof's or we use to call them Prissy butts.
and that's being nice....
I enjoy your story keep them coming.
I'd noticed long ago that we often lose our girlfriends because we spend more time with our husbands friends. Shameful to give them up for a husband, but so frequently happens. I've found women in the workplace often a bit more self centered than men as they have more to prove. There is often a lazy persona to women who needn't fret over life as their husbands made their lives quite so easy, yet... many of them had a rough road getting there. Still... peer pressure and bullying should have stopped with high school graduation. It doesn't but becomes more clever each year.
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