I realized last night that I'm an overprotective mom
I've been away from my son for no more than a week at a time
He's never had a babysitter other than a few hours with his grandmas
He's had a couple sleepovers at a friend's house
and it took all my willpower not to park in front of that house
It's not because I'm overbearing and want full control
It's because I know what types of things can happen
To innocent and trusting children; especially with family
It's because I feel guilty for the divorce and remarriage
that I want him to be happy
I won't deny that my blossoming teen's anger
seems to have quadrupled since my Mama became ill
Perhaps he wants my attention; perhaps it's a coincidence
But I have very little to give
So it was with a heavy heart that I asked his dad to keep him for a month
I felt better when I realized he'll be happier with his dad
But my heart broke; or atleast it sure felt like it
That damned constricted-chest-ball-in-the-throat-feeling
Wondering if I just screwed up
But I awoke feeling better
Knowing that sometimes you just have to let go
My focus is on getting my Mama home in a couple weeks
Then I'll use the remaining time to smooth my ruffled feathers
Whew
Sending you hugs, love and peace. I think you're doing the right thing. If your son thinks he will be happier with his father then let him try it. The less negativity surrounding the whole idea the better. I know it's hard--believe me I've had to do it. Keep you chin up, dear.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could hug you in person. Love Karen
ReplyDeleteVirtual hugs from way over here in the Southeast. What a tough call to make. I hope everything works out the best for everyone.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the only consolation is knowing we are doing our best.
ReplyDeleteOuch. Hugs mama. Knowing that you woke up feeling better, sounds like you made a good decision. Time for you to take care of you.
ReplyDeleteWell u sound just like my Dad Elena, I am 24 but I think for him i'll never b more than 4 or 14...trust me if he had his way he would ferry me to and fro wherever i go, and he gives exactly the same reason u mentioned above.."'cuz i know all that can happen to innocent and trusting people" And trust me it is so bloody frustrating 'cu kids love their parents, know they want their best and still u gotta live ur own life too, no wonder ur son doesn't want to talk to u..I did not talk to my dad for a week....What u parents forget is that U were teenagers once too...ask your mom, how you wanted to live your life, your way...after a while all children grow up, they are your children, but they are also individual selves wanting to look at life with their own eyes, touch it with their own hands, walk their own road...and a conflict cannot help...u need to let go...'cu it's better they learn the harshness of lives, while u are around to support 'em when they fall, rather when they have no one to hold their hands while u stumble....also at your son's age children are possessive, perceptive as well as sensitive..your son's probably drinking a cocktail of all the three frustration, sharing mom with granny & mom's own confusion and that's why he needs a time out
ReplyDelete