I had a shrub who insisted on growing lopsided
No matter how many times I straightened it
Repotted, fertilized, staked
It fell back to what it knew
I've known the abused who insisted on staying with their abusers
Because it's what they knew
The gang bangers who nightly risked their lives
Because it's what they knew
The worriers, the ill, the angry who resist change
Because it's what they knew
I could never understand why
And I realize it's perhaps easier to go with the flow
To stop trying to swim upstream
But sometimes when you give up the fight
You don't turn and flow downstream
You get caught in a stagnant tidepool
Wondering what happened
As I float on my back I ponder
A quest is easy when there are no distractions
It's as if everything I was learning in the past couple years
Has been put to a test
As if to say, let's see how much you were paying attention
Can you apply it to real life
And I wonder if I've failed
Noticing how quickly I have fallen back to what I knew
The worry, the anger, the fear
All returning like long lost friends
My Mama will be returning home soon
My son is still at his dad's
Insisting that he wants to live there
I'll be alone again soon
And tell myself to pick up where I left off
But I know that everything that has happened in these three months
Has made an impact
I can't pick up where I left off
I have to incorporate what I've learned
And shed what is no longer needed
Because change is hard work
And requires conscious effort
So as not to fall back into what I know
~ ~ ~
Life is rather amazing
~ ~ ~
Life is rather amazing
Elena,
ReplyDeleteYou answered all your questions.
Life is always, always, CHANGE. That is constant. Sometimes we enjoy it, sometimes we don't but our spirituality keeps us rooted deeply.
Like the fireman in the tree trunk.
Maybe there is a reason you made him.
He is firmly planted, and not in fear of tipping over.
We can't escape change, and are not always in a fast flowing tide.
Sometimes we have to pause in the shallows, rest, then jump back in again. It's just that people without roots? They never get out of the shallows and go on to see the rest of life's beautiful river.
Where do you want to be?
XXOO~~
Anne
I know you won't be that shrub.
ReplyDeleteIt is always easier when we are surrounded by others than when we are on our own for then we must face ourselves, never an easy task, however an essential one from time to time. Of course there are 4 stages of learning with anything
ReplyDelete1 Unconcious incompetence (where we know nothing about a given matter)
2 Concious incompetence (where we know it is there but haven´t figured out how to use it)
3 Concious competence (where we know how to use it but still have to think about it)
4 Unconcious competence (where we do it without thinking)
So Elena, where you are is where you are on this part of your journey: Somethings are easier because we understand them, other things are not but that is just part of the process.
I can't help but read this and think... perhaps the universe is offering you some much needed alone time. You are on a quest. A self quest. During this quest you have been care-taking others which has taught you many beautiful lessons but perhaps there are lessons waiting that you can only gain through self-study and alone time. Elena experiences. Things you choose to do for YOU. I say, "Embrace the few weeks you have to yourself. Recharge. Spend it living large and loving life. Do for YOU so when your son comes home or your mama needs you again, you will be rested and ready"
ReplyDeleteHave you started your class? Use the time to work through the modules. Do it for YOU because you deserve it!
;)
I agree with nacherluver: The universe seems to be giving you a chance to be alone and recharge. I know it's hard to see at first, believe me, I've been there. The question I've asked myself is, "What do I do with myself now?" The answer has come to me several times: "Whatever you want!" Run with it, mama!
ReplyDeleteHi Elena, Sorry I've been a bad friend with my blogging. I just know got done reading...I know I've told you before, but you really have a talent for writing...so many thing resounded with me. So many others to ponder. Just keep the faith...everything is as it should be.
ReplyDeleteLove to you!
PS: I am childless for the first time in 22 yrs. I miss her company, but I am pretty fun to hang out with☺