In our quest not to repeat the same mistakes of our parents, my siblings and I handle marriage and relationships differently. Personally, I find the concept of marriage rather elusive. (Probably explains why I'm on #2) Long before my 1st, someone said make sure we were friends so that when the love ended we could still be friends. Well, the 1st and I weren't friends. And when the love ended, we fought.
This time, I made sure to marry my friend. But why is it that guys are so romantic and attentive before marriage and so different after? And my silly mind grabs onto these idiosyncrasies like little poisonous pellets it stockpiles for future use. When I'm feeling my loneliest, it rolls out one of these pellets and like acid bores through my mind. I start getting angry and resentful. And from experience, I know what this leads to. But I don't know what marriage is supposed to be like except for tv-and boy there are many interpretations there. Perhaps this lifetime isn't about maintaining a romantic relationship. Perhaps it's about developing my relationship with self - which would explain why my new hubby supports my endeavors. So I might be lonely but perhaps it's the price to pay for self-development. And yet....I'm selfish and want both.
How do those couples do it? You know, the ones who still look like they're dating but have been together for a gazillion years? Hmmm....so darned elusive.......
Monday, October 12, 2009
5 comments:
Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are my fellow travelers in life's journey and I respect your words of wisdom.
Or click here to send me an email
Email me!
Peace!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It's elusive to me too. I sat behind a couple at church and thought... what a good and kind father he is. I had to protect my children constantly from emotional assaults. Dated another alcoholic and realized I'd be protecting his children from him too. Start to wonder if I'd ever experience love.
ReplyDeleteI so want to say many things and I end up blabblering a bunch of babble. But one thing that I've been working on for the past 14 years or so is my personal happiness. I'm learning though I want things and people to behave a certain way they won't every do that...(fact) their not my puppets. And there is another thing that I'm learning and that is my happiness has to start with me then what ever happens on the outside won't matter. Ex: I so want to live in upper north or north west.. but reality is it's not going to happen any time soon so should I die there in my dreams... no I create the feeling of the north woods in my heart and mind then in my own piece of property and then I spend as much and more lately in the woods to fill up the soul part of me that craves this the most that then carries me over... As of Relationships.. one of lifes toughest challenges first off a relationship with yourself... and then with the people you love and the people you just have to make face with and then the people that are stranger but could be friends... it's something that changes daily and begins and end at the drop of the hat. So just like I've been want to have the man I love grab me up and hold me tight like it was some outlaw come home from a hard ride(like those bad boys) and I'm his women...(_itch) So I go and start grabbing him tight 4 days in a row and the 5 day with out warning he grabs me and kisses me good bye in the morning.. dang that felt good. So put out what you want and let go of the result and when it will come back to you and then before you know it you will have what you've always been wanting... Now mind you it's not perfect but in this world what is... rambling a way and will stop typing.
ReplyDeleteI dated several alcoholic condencending (sp?) men BF (before Frank) but it was way before I started loving myself. Then you meet your BF (best friend)or hope to and things seem to ease up. Support for who you are and your own path seems really important to me. I can get pretty darn moody during creative cycles yet I have "pretty" tolerant mate. Sometimes I think it would be better if only one of us were creative (to ground the other) but then I don't think we'd have as much fun exploring. We are both exploring "this year" who we really are. Finally......Maybe it's just getting older brings mellowness.
ReplyDeleteof course I had to come here to see your post after your note to me...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how it's done to tell you the truth, but being best friends is the start...and then add in lots of patience and understanding and trying to only sweat the small stuff.....
be interested in each other and treat each other the same way you treat your friends....and really like who the other one is as a peson.
and maybe after all that, it's just luck...
After chatting tonite I realized I had to make time to catch up on your blog and read this with interest. I remember feeling that way as well. I am on hubby #2 and we've been married 15 years this month. I think we're together because we're friends, because I can't imagine life without him, because it's always great to have someone who lets me be me and find me. When he bugs me or does something that starts to eat at me, I just sit him down and tell him what is bothering me. What's great is that he truly listens and is considerate of my feelings. Rather than let your thoughts turn to acid that burn in your soul, sit down and talk!! I think we've been burned by our observations of other couples as we grew up. Step away from that, you are not them, every couple is unique. Appreciate what you have and think how things would be without him.
ReplyDelete