Stopped Running

It was my first boyfriend who called to my attention that something was wrong with me. We dated for several years and he said something about when we're married and I said we weren't ever getting married. I wanted more. In a fit he yelled "Something's wrong with you; what do you want?" ....More

Few more boyfriends, same thing. "What's wrong with you; why can't you be happy with what you have?" Because I want more...

First marriage. I really tried. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I buried myself in my work - atleast I was good at that. But that damned little ember started up again and caused trouble. "What's wrong with you, why can't you be happy with what you have?" Because I want more...

Don't they get it? I'm not materialistic. I don't want things. I want more...

My new hubby gets it. I don't. I rollercoaster emotionally and he's there waiting to cheer me on or dust me off. I don't know what more is. He says it's time to find myself. I say, let's run away.

In Tama's book, This Time I Dance, she says
"The truth never leaves us alone." So instead of running away from the constant internal call for more, I'm facing it head on. I've tried ignoring it, covering it up with other distractions, running away, but it's always there and getting louder this time. Funny thing is, my many layers are peeling away little by little and I'm actually curious to see what will be uncovered. Figured nothing's changed from my usual way of dealing with the call - so I'll try this. What do I have to lose.

Perhaps I'll finally find out what more actually is.