The Spiritual Quest

I ended my Sept 1st post with this quote which I thought fitting for the way my trip planning was unfolding.

"...as we go farther into our spiritual journey, we find that we have to leave behind what we know, and enter strange territory. We become unintelligible and unrecognizable to ourselves. Not only do we not know ourselves. Knowing itself stops. That’s uncomfortable. And many people bail out of their spiritual quest at this point..." Mary Jaksch




And I find it necessary to start with the same quote as I begin this post. Do you ever really listen to the little gut feeling or inner guidance or whatever you want to call it? The one that says don't go down that street or call that person today or whatever? What about signs and synchronicity (or apparent coincidences)? If I haven't scared you off, I'll go a bit farther. What if you purposely ignore these as incredulous mumbo jumbo? How far will your guidance go to get your attention?

Well, let me tell you. Mine sent me to Santa Fe on a spiritual quest driven by blind faith. Or curiosity. More curiosity. All the above were rattling around in my head so much that it was like an annoying itch you can't scratch. I knew if I didn't do this, it wouldn't go away.

I drove to the airport and told my Angels and Guides that I was following their directive so I would be open to everything I would see and hear. At the airport I walked around with a goofy grin as I saw the numbers 911 and 1111 everywhere I went. I would catch snippets of conversations or see things that seemed to answer a question in my head. Odd? Most definitely. 

I stayed with my cousin who until recently, I hardly knew. We connected through this blog and emails. She was very close to my brother who died and in a way I feel as if I am closer to him knowing that her eyes saw him, her hands held him. And how truly special to find out we have so much in common.

We visited several Catholic churches. She took me to River, a healer, for a Taoist Abdominal Massage (Chi Nei Tsang) who used a singing bowl during the treatment. Next we met with Lydia, a psychotherapist, who was full of life and reminded me of a happy gypsy. And finally I met with a healer/messenger. The steps to that one started back here early this year when I took the leap and stayed with a blogger friend in Wisconsin. During that visit she casually spoke of a life coach friend. For some reason, the name rang bells in my head but at the time I thought 'humph life coach - yeah yeah" (have I mentioned I'm a huge skeptic in just about everything).

But as I crazily followed my gut & made travel arrangements, the bells rang in my head and the life coach's name kept coming up. I finally called her and said "look I don't know why I'm calling, don't know if I believe in what you do but I felt a need to call and since I'm flying to Santa Fe for no apparent reason I figured hell why not." She chuckled and said "my dear, that's because I'm now supposed to refer you to my good friend who is a healer in Santa Fe." So that's how I ended up at Belinda's door.
 
I don't know what to say about my visit with Belinda other than I felt giddy and like I had just discovered a missing puzzle piece. As she spoke, all the seemingly random oddities from the last couple years fell into neat little cubbies. Everything made sense now and with it came an elated feeling as if my spirit was yelling "FINALLY!"; as I told my friend, I felt like I was an amnesiac wandering lost among strangers and suddenly someone recognized me.


At the end of the trip, I silently sat in the train watching the scenery and wondering...now what? I am sitting on a fine line between reality and the surreal. With a mission that says move forward and help others. And there I sit. It's as if years ago I found an old door hidden behind boxes in a dark corner of the attic and couldn't open it and suddenly here is someone giving me the key. It's up to me to open the door now.

But I worked so hard at training my brain to deal with hard facts and being skeptical that I am now confronted with asking it to trust in God. Two opposing views. How do I do it? And looking away from the outside view I laughed aloud as I took in my surroundings. From where I sat in the lounge car I could see straight down the aisle. To my left were three big, strong, muscled rail workers in boots and overalls. Tanned and rugged with jawlines that looked like they could crush small rocks. And on my right were three Amish men looking delicate, serene, and with smiles that made me crave the days of long ago. And there it was. I was sitting between these two groups that personified my current thought process.

So there it is. My spiritual quest to Santa Fe. You may think I'm nuts but then so do I. For now, I'm amused that back in January I picked Trust as my word for the year.

I looked back out the window just in time to see this.

Blind Faith Definition:
belief without true understanding, perception, or discrimination