Do you realize how difficult it was going through my teenage years with these feelings towards THAT word while my friends were all gushy? Lots of arguments. Don't get me wrong. I know what Like is and I know what Lust is but that other word. I've seen people do some pretty stupid stuff in the name of l-o-v-e.
To friend: "You just met him. He has a girlfriend. Why are you buying him clothes and stuff?"....'but I love him.'
To friend: "He only calls you at 2:00 A.M....doesn't want to see you any other time." ....'but I love him.'
To friend: "He collects kids. What's wrong with you."...'but I love him.'
To neighbor: "What do you mean you never sleep away from home? Give the guy some breathing room"...'but I love him.'
To Mama: "Please leave him before he kills you"...the dangerous unspoken implied love ...'but he's your dad.'
To myself at 16, having just confronted my first boyfriend about cheating where he ended up slapping me. My first thought was "but I love him". Then it occurred to me, wait, I don't love anyone like that. So I kicked his motorcycle over and as he bent to pick up the broken mirror I hightailed it to the safety of home. That never happened again. (For the record, it hurt me to hurt that bike)
I came to the conclusion that love was about selling your soul to the other person. It was about losing yourself and becoming a pathetic wimp. So I was perfectly happy to make it through life without having to deal with feelings of love. Until I met hubby and realized I don't have to be in love like those sappy movies. It's about sharing common interests and still maintaining individual lives. We are two separate individuals. And I even made great steps in recognizing that healthy romantic love actually can exist between two people when I met Beth and my in-laws.
I thought that was my only love lesson to learn. Turns out I have to be careful when I ask "what's my next step" because now I'm being confronted with that question 'do you love yourself'. Whoa crapola. My spiritual mentor (oh yeah I crossed off #14!) said self love is being true to yourself and having the ability to forgive yourself, forgive others and accept things you can't change. Damn....
So okay (deep breath) I can do this. Maybe someone should tie me to a chair with my eyelids taped open in front of (gulp) the soap operas.....
"Know yourself.
Don't accept your dog's admiration
as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful"
Ann Landers
OOOOH, I know! I'll buy myself pixies and butter pecan ice cream.
OOOOH, I know! I'll buy myself pixies and butter pecan ice cream.
Now THAT is loving thy self. Yay!
It would be handy if someone gave us a "health" warning or a manual before we came into this life....But I guess it is a bit like parenthood, everybody tells you what its like and how they handle it, however you will never truly know until you are a parent and experience it yourself.........
ReplyDeleteI think that the romantic love has a big role in helping us learn to love ourselves. For me, it has help me realize I am worthy of love in general, that I deserve it, that all of us do. For me, my relationship with David is about both of us knowing that there is someone in this world who really loves me, so I can work at being the best me I can be within that and on my own. Challenges and lessons come with it too, like trust and dependance and putting your own needs first when you have to. But for me, I would rather being doing this self-learning with my loving partner by my side than alone. Plus the guy makes me laugh every single day !I know I am blessed with this gift and I am grateful for it everyday.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, Thinker Girl.
Yeah, that first kind of "love" you are talking about? Not love so much as wanting to be loved. I've had that unhealthy kind as well.
ReplyDeleteTrue love, the mushy, head over heels, walks on the beach love is real too. I have that now. Of course the love is there, the dreams of walks on the beach are there, the hubs? Not so romantic. I'm still waiting for the love and the beach walks to cross paths ;)
Glad you're feeling loved, as you most certainly are loved!
p.s. poor bike!
I believe it all follows that we first must love ourselves to allow another to love us. I'm working on that one too.
ReplyDeleteHi Elena, Thank you for your comment on my blog. I had a range of emotions as I read your post. I used to be that woman that said, but I love him. No more. I am alone and like it like that, for now. xoxo
ReplyDelete