I have a hard time letting myself be an artist. A part of me says it needs to be really good and worthy of being a source of income to merit the time involved to create it. If it doesn't bring in money, then it's a waste of time. Outside of class time, I can't begin an art project without thinking it's not good enough to be sold. Talk about putting the cart before the horse. I can't create and I'm already trying to sell. Uggghhh!!
How can I be so divided in my thinking? Part of me wants to dive in but I've done a pretty good job keeping those feelings supressed. I allow myself to draw during the Thursday Plein Aire classes but that's it. Anything beyond that falls behind other things that I feel are more important. Perhaps it's my guilt at no longer bringing in a substantial income.
Perhaps these feelings are coming on strong right now because my son starts school in two weeks. Until now I have been busy with him around. It's scary to think that I'll have ALL THIS TIME while he's in school. I'm sure I'll find something to do but there are only so many weeds to pull or things to clean. Then I'll have that urge to create and the thinking starts all over again.
I've started thinking that perhaps I should return to my original career and put this art stuff aside until I retire. I can hear my angels screaming at that one but they don't need money....
Hmmm, I don't know. Perhaps a part time job with an art store or gallery or something would keep my spirit alive but soothe the shamed part of me that feels useless.
Feeling blah....
Monday, August 3, 2009
4 comments:
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Your right don't put the cart before the horse. with my children going to school I was available to be active in their schooling and I became the Art Awareness mom, I was able to come into the class room and share art, history of it and create with them. The job of a mother is very important and it's one of the reason I choose to stay at home and with that I was able to create, I took some classes and keep at it did my research and when it was time things happened for me. Now I'm home still with a studio space and my youngest are 18 years old now and the oldest is 24 so the way I feel about it blessed that I have a supportive hubby that believes in me and we see how important that was for me to be available for them all those years and still now, Heck it's family the closest I'll every be to something. follow the heart and shut the door to out side influence if watch someone like me with the load and a half of art venues going on can get you side tracked. It's one of the reason I don't by sommerset studios or cloth paper scissor magazines I don't want to get sidetracked on what I'm to create with my good orderly direction and all. You where you need to be. Plan trips once a week to the zoo etc. to bring you sketch book or take a class and then before you know it you weeks and days will be filled up and the holiday's will be knocking at your door and you'll be focusing on that. NO Day But Today lady enjoy it! you doing good, no Great!!!
ReplyDelete~v~Laura
In all the writing classes I've taken, the "teach" would always ask,"Who wants to be a famous publish writer?" Some people raised there hands..."then forget about it" ..was the reply. "If that is your motivation....you will fail.. Write because you cannot do anything but write....get better...learn your craft....write everyday...and most of all read. Then you might have a chance at writing something good enough to publish. But forget about getting rich.....few EVER get rich. But if you are a writer...you must write." You,Elena are gifted with talent,use it...or it is a wasted gift. And I don't think you want to waste anything. Your son going to school is an adjustment....like Laura says...Your being involved in his life is your gift to him...a lasting one....But you are an artist... It is a statement not a question...so get your ass into your studio the week your son returns to school and set up a still life and sit your butt down (or stand) and draw or paint.....Get lost in the process....it is like falling in love....be near the one you love....art If you structure your day to start with studio work....say 2 hours to begin...even if you don't accomplish much...you will accomplish what is neccessary....Read and search the internet for info on drawing and painting...it is enormous..... SO GET GOING,YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO....AND IT IS NOT MAKING MONEY...IT IS GETTING "RICH" Do it because you cannot not do it....
ReplyDeleteHi Elena,
ReplyDeleteI so relate to what you say here. If you do what you love (create) the money will come. Just have to be patient. Stay in the moment, stay connected to other like minds, listen to your angels' screams (they are loving screams) and guides, and finally listen to your heart.
Everytime I think about getting a job (say in an art store or gallery, just like you), my stomach tightens up. I worry that my creative heart will give up once I sell myself so to speak. (That little inner child voice will say "you don't believe in me"). That ego thinking mind is crafty and sly, you're going back and forth right now, just like me, so I encourage you to stay on your path with heart, because I hear you and then I hear me, the mirror I see in you. You feel like you're going crazy, I think that's growth and change, been there, still am.
Just create every day. I found out that if I played and had fun more with my art, I was jumping with joy. That was a missing link for me.
So please create cuz I believe in you.
Do what you love, share your gifts and magic will happen.
I have been away from my computer for a while, so this is a very late comment. I know that voice about not doing something unless it is sellable. It has taken me a long time to get past it. Now, I create for me. The biggest lesson I learned along the way is that it will never be worthy of selling until I practice the craft. Much of my life, I wouldn't try something unless I knew I would be good at it out of the gate. As a teacher of middle school students, I worked hard at teaching them that they had to practice to be good at most things. Finally, it sunk in. I had to practice to get good at my craft. I still have to practice, and will until the end of my days. It is okay. I once met a professional photographer who said he had to take 70 photos to get a perfect shot, but he really enjoyed taking all the photos because they each taught him something. I think that is the way of creating anything. I know it is easier said than done, but my advise to you is to create a safe place in your head to send the creativity gate keepers while you allow your creative self to have fun. Find the place that allowed you to create the beautiful necklace. You have wonderful talent and ideas. Let them out to play every day, even if it is for a short time. Keep making art with your son, even when he is back in school. Help him to create without limits, and allow yourself to listen to what you tell him. I know this is a bit rambling, but it is from the heart.
ReplyDelete