Another "aha" moment

I'm becoming accustomed to recognizing dangerous thought patterns. You know, the ones with the little naggy, finger-wagging, voice. The ones that if given attention can leave you feeling like you've fallen flat on your face or just received instructions to Go Back to Start.

When I recognize one of these little devils, I quickly ignore it, sing loudly, take the dogs out, or use any other distraction methods. But while driving one day, I discovered something new. One of those little devils popped in to see how I'd react. Here's what it said "you shouldn't have quit working." I thought "oh for pete's sake how many times do you have to keep coming up". I turned the radio up, sang, counted passing signs. It piped up "you'd have more money". And I was caught in its grip as I envisioned a paycheck. I turned up the radio even louder; looking for hard rock to drown the little devil.

But for a split second a new little 'voice' popped in. "What would you do with the money that you can't do now?" I turned off the radio. What was that? This was new. And I excitedly let myself think and ran the thought process to its end.

Me: "If I were working I'd have a great paycheck. I could buy anything I wanted; because I don't want grand things anyway. I could pay off bills faster, save for vacations, take workshops and art classes. I could practically live at the art and book store. And oh my goodness all those little antique shops!

Head: "Ok, that makes sense. You'd have the funding. Now when would you do this?"

Me: "Well I'd have to leave home at 6 to get to work at 8 then stay until late meetings were done and then there's traffic so I could do it after work. But I'd probably be too tired. So then there's the weekend but I'd probably have to do all the chores that hadn't been done during the week. Oh man then there's the kid to worry about. Who picks him up, when, etc etc.....So, I'd have the money but I'd be back to having no time. You know. Never mind. Keep the money. I'm doing fine."

Head: <Smiles> (can a head smile? does this mean I have a good and an evil head?)

So I learned that perhaps there's a reason for recurring bad thoughts. Unless I turned to confront the darned thing, my naggy voice would continue glorifying the old situation. Sometimes it's not as bad, or good, as the naggy voice makes it out to be. I'll chalk it up to another lesson in balance. Not to be too hasty in my retreat from the naggy voice. To turn and fight sometimes and run and hide when necessary.

I couldn't resist this photo of my Mama. 

When my son tells me to act my age, 

I point at this and say "I come from her"

That's one of my sister's in back