I give thanks to live in a time
when it's safe to have emotional swings
without being locked away in forgotten rooms
where doctors experiment in the name of science
My foul mood escalated
and I came close to destroying everything in my studio until
Something stopped me and I closed the door instead
I don't plan on returning until it's safe to do so
Instead hubby and I ran away
and I reconnected to the simplicity my soul craved
The walls that were closing in around my heart
suddenly gave way
I saw that the world still holds open expanses
Where people work the land
Where simplicity is key
and people are still human
Where there's no room for the Lexus, the SUV, the road rage
Where the day ends at 5:00
And the sunsets are still gifts from above
I found peace today
but
I will not open the studio door
for now
Your are on you own journey and you are blessed to be able to share that with the hubby you have. Now one expect you to crack the whip so hard honey... If I may say from my experience I do it to myself. I compare my artictic life to others and get caught up on a ride that I was never to step on.... Right now I'm looking again at where I would like to head and sending out the creative scout before I venture on unknown territory. When I come to cross roads as you share from time to time know that you are doing what you need to do. trust in the beauty of the get away and fill yourself up, fill you well and know that a spiritually creative life is not one that has this whip cracking over us it's one of love and comfort. That comfort can come with creating a creative dinner to creating a quick sketch on a motorcycle ride. for give me if I've gone a stray with my response. Change is a for sure things and we can not help but be effect by it so hop in to Kayak and flow with the water in the river.
ReplyDeleteOh Elena, I am so sorry you are suffering.
ReplyDeleteWasn't it nice to have your rock riding beside you,enjoying all the beauty? Good man.
Good woman who knew what she needed.
Looks like you had a beautiful day anyway, Elena. And what a good husband in tune to your needs. He sounds like a gem. Good you stepped back.
ReplyDeleteWe hear that removing the old makes way for the new. But revisiting some old art provides us with stepping stones and growth for new pieces. Your photos would make an engaging display at a fair! Eyes wide open now!
ReplyDeleteHey Elena,
ReplyDeleteSorry I haven't been by to visit for a while. Life got in the way. You know how that goes.
I'm glad to see you got out into the world. But I'm so sorry to read that you've been having a tough time. You are right to step back from things when they make you feel crazy/angry/frustrated. I feel like this quite often, too.
One thing I've learned is you can't force creativity. It doesn't come from the head, it comes from the heart. That goes for cooking, drawing, putting on my make-up, everything. As soon as I start to over-think, everything I do turns to crap.
You're making some major changes in your life, so you are bound to have some major emotional turmoil. Taking good care of yourself is really important right now.
I've been (and often still am) where you are right now. You'll find your way, I know it.
Hugs,
Angela