Invisible walls

I followed an online meditation the night of the new moon. As the woman led the meditation she recommended bringing intentions to mind as seeds to be planted in a garden. I thought 'what a perfect analogy'...but try as I might I couldn't visualize seeds nor intents. Instead I kept visualizing what appeared to be a large flying bird. My perspective was as if I were on its back and could see glimpses of pink, blue and purple feathers. Eventually I started picturing loose sheets of paper and an open blank book laying before me. No seeds. But it was a good try.

The thing is, the image of the feathers has stayed in my head. When this happens I wonder what it's trying to represent...something I'm not quite getting. But I have learned not to force it, it will come in its own time. Very annoying for someone as impatient as I. Hee hee

My son decided to purchase a Betta fish, the fighting fish. I've seen them but usually avoid them feeling a bit claustrophobic as I see them just floating in those tiny cups. He chose one whose fins were so long that they curled in the areas where they met the plastic. I cringed trying not to imagine the feeling of being able to see but not move more than in a circle. (Did I mention how claustrophobic I am? Hee hee)

We brought him home. Let his little plastic prison float within the bowl as he adjusted to the water temperature. Eventually it was time to release him and he wouldn't come out. Could it be he actually liked his little plastic prison? Or perhaps it was the four faces peering in at him that freaked him out?
We got him out and he quickly swam to the other side of the new bowl. And stayed there. We placed an ornamentation with leaves inside the bowl and he didn't move. We thought he was dead. Until he quickly dashed beside a leaf. We figured he was just trying to get used to the feeling of being able to extend his fins. After a couple hours we peeked in and found him in the tiny spot between a leaf and the glass wall. And there he stayed.

I peered in amused at the sight of a bowl with plastic leaves and seemingly no fish. The only indication being the hypnotic swaying of pink, blue, and purple in a tiny corner as his fins followed the water's motion....Just like the feathers in my meditation. And it 'hit' me. I'm the fighter fish!

I have been released from my self-imposed prison of thinking how I was 'supposed' to fit into this world. Before me lies this vast terrain ready for exploration and extension to my full potential. And, like our little fighter fish, I make small dashes that extend my fins only to find a new hiding spot. My mentor Anne is absolutely correct that each joyous creation is followed by a deep longing for what I've supposedly lost. And isn't it funny how the mind tries to coax you back to the familiar by sugar coating over the bad and spit-shining the good. The reality of it is nothing is lost. It's just change. And change can be scary. But in can also be oh-so-exhilarating.

The image of the feathers is no longer in my head. I think I got the message I was supposed to. Let go of the perceived boundaries, they don't exist.

So I want to share this message with y'all. Especially Mookyper and Robin who are avoiding the call of the muse to create. Beware not listening...she'll come out one way or another. Do I have to send you the picture of my haircut to remind you?