Just my imagination, running away with me

Thank you all for your cool comments. After posting yesterday I took a peek at the job listings only to realize for the upteenth time that if I want to return to my career I will have to move back to the city. And I don't want that. So I went to bed with a semi-heavy heart and the following dialogue.

"God this is too menial for you so I'm gonna talk to my Angels here. Don't be offended. K? Now Angels, you see the big picture. Can you give me a little clue please? Or speak up cuz I can't hear you." Then gave up and went to sleep.

I dreamt alot, some I remember and mostly I don't. But two things stuck in my head. I was riding in back of my hubby's moto. Now I KNOW that was a dream because I flat out refuse to ride in back. Ever. It's not a high horse thing. I really don't like the feel. I'm not in control. I don't like that. And in the dream I kept slipping to the sides and was trying to hold on. On a few turns we'd almost fall and I'd stick my leg out to keep us from toppling. This was beginning to border on nightmare stuff. Ugghh.

Then it shifted, as dreams do. With my cuddling up to some guy who seemed vaguely familiar and telling him I was sorry for being so mean. I told him I was being mean because I was going to miss him. And I got the sense there were romantic feelings there but it sure wasn't hubby #1 or #2. Tee hee! We sat there holding each other and I woke up oh SO SAD. It was slightly amusing that I was so sad over some mysterious paramour leaving.

So here's what I concluded this evening. The ride on the back of my hubby's moto represents my loss of control. I am completely dependent on hubby now and it irks me not to be making my own money. The sorrowful goodbye? Well I'd like to think my dreams were becoming spicy (hee hee!) but maybe the vaguely familiar guy represented my career. Shit! Does that mean I just kissed my career goodbye? Actually I won't admit this but I've been trying to ignore the tiny voice that says yes.

While in the store buying gel medium, I didn't pay attention to the song on the loudspeaker. I heard it but didn't 'listen' to it.  Until the lady down the aisle said "I love you too" very loudly. I looked up as a worker laughed and she pointed at the loudspeaker. I listened and heard:

"I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care, I do

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart"

partial Stevie Wonder

And in my head I heard "finally". A bit later I stepped onto a dollar bill. I asked a woman if it was hers and she said "nope, it's your dollar now." Sure you could say I'm trying too hard to find signs. But I honestly wasn't looking for any. I'd like to think my angels spoke up to say 'we hear ya' and sent me a dollar so I don't feel so out of monetary-control. One dollar. If I keep finding them they'll add up.

I know a guy who puts all the change he finds in a jar throughout the year. At Christmas he and his wife open the jar and buy themselves something. Usually a bottle of wine, once a tv.